La Dolce Vita

Life is Life, Fight for It.

2011-12-28T13:38:00.009-05:00

Without a doubt, 2011 has been the most tumultuous year of my life. I remember last year, writing my resolutions or my new years post, and having so much hope and faith for a positive year.

Things don't always turn out the way you hope though - the lows of this year were incredibly low, particularly with the death of Poppy, which has left a hole in my heart that hurts me every single day.

While I could sit and focus on the negative - which is a ridiculously easy thing to do no matter what life throws your way - I've learned so much this year, that I feel is what I should be focusing on, rather than complain and bring in the new year on a negative note.

Without the bad times, we'd never know how truly beautiful the good times are; without the bad friends, we'd never realize how blessed we are with the ones who are there for us when we need someone - and the positives are what I want to focus on for 2012.

Things I've learned in 2011 (that I want to apply to 2012):

1. Your own needs are important.

I'm a people pleaser, and I'm constantly putting the needs of others ahead of my own. This year, I learned that it's okay to talk about my feelings, or the things that are going on in my life - it's not a burden, it's a reciprocal friendship. If you need sleep, turn off your phone - other people's problems can wait until the morning; if you need a shoulder to cry on, call up a friend - they'll be there for you.

When I ended my two year relationship last January, I realized how long I'd been pushing myself off - how long I'd let someone else become more important than myself, and that I pushed aside all the bad feelings or things that weren't right in order to make him happy. In 2012, I promise to myself that I will be better about finding a balance between my needs and the needs of others.

Don't let people walk all over you - know your worth, and know that you deserve more than to push aside your emotions, feelings, needs for anyone else.

2. Don't let the past define you.

We all make mistakes - stop beating the shit out of yourself for those mistakes. Learn and grow from them, and don't let them happen again. You are NOT the one mistake that you made, and don't ever let yourself believe that.

3. Stop living life with hatred in your heart.

Grudges, bitchiness, judging - it all eats away at you. How can you be surrounded by people who will bring you up, if all you have is negativity surrounding you?

4. Quit using "I'm fine" as an escape mechanism.

It's okay to not be okay. This is something that I'm still working through. As a perfectionist, I like everything to be wrapped up with a nice little bow, but that's not life. Sometimes we lose control, sometimes we hurt, sometimes we cry and are ugly and broken. It's in those times that we need to be honest with ourselves and with others. I can't tell you the support I felt from my friends during all the hard times I went through - it was freeing to not be in total control and trying to micromanage things.

5. Don't try to convince yourself.

If something feels wrong, trust your instinct. Don't try to convince yourself that something is okay when it isn't - with relationships or "potential" relationships, don't pretend that you're okay with things if you're not. If you want a relationship, don't act like you're okay with a friends with benefits/casual sex kind of thing. If you just want to be friends, don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings.
If you lie to yourself, you're only hurting yourself. It's as simple as that.

6. Learning who your true friends are is very bittersweet.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I was there for people, listening to every single problem (white girl problems or real problems), and offering advice to them - investing my whole heart into their situation. I always thought those same people would be there for me no matter what - friendship should be reciprocal, right? Wrong. It's not that they're bad people, they're just too focused on their own shit to care about yours with the same energy you gave them. Learn from that - take time for yourself and give 100% of your energy to the people who really matter.
Just because you're a good friend to someone, doesn't mean it will be reciprocated when you need it.

7. Find happiness within yourself.

If you look to others for your own happiness, you'll never find it. Find things that you love to do alone, that bring you joy - if you love yoga, do a yoga class; if photography is your passion, go out on the weekends by yourself and pursue it. Be happy, be content, and find your own happiness - when you're happy with yourself, you'll draw others to you and they can share that happiness with you.

8. Success is between you and you only.

Life does not need to be a competition. Set goals for yourself, and be your own competition - stop being jealous of others and their success. Instead, find what you have that others could want from you, try to make yourself a better person, and stop worrying that someone else might be better than you.

9. Enjoy the little things in life.

My Poppy was a pro at this - he loved life so much, every single second of it. He always told me that when you look back on the little things, sometimes you realize that they were more significant than you really thought.
This year - with all the shit that happened - has also had some of the most tremendous times of my life. Nights out with friends that were spontaneous ended up being some of the most fun I've had this year.
A little visit to the hospital after babysitting one afternoon, where I sat on the end of Poppy's hospital bed and he gave me advice about teaching, ended up being the last conversation we ever had. Treasure these things, focus on them when things seem to start spiraling out of control. These are the things that matter.

I love this picture, because even though no one is paying attention to the camera, he looks so happy.

10. Tell people that matter to you that you love them.

I am so, so grateful for my friends and family. I tell them whenever I can how much they mean to me, how much fun I have with them, and how grateful I am to them for carrying me through this year. Don't take the time you have with people for granted.

I'm so, so lucky - these are just a few of the people I have in my life (because I'm already going way too picture crazy).

Never forget - you are beautiful, special, worthwhile. You have people who love you, and things going for you. Don't let anyone hold you back or drag you down - you're in charge of your own happiness!

Love you all so very much - you're all such lovely, special people to me. Can't wait to catch up on your posts now that I have some time without work/lesson planning! <3

Currently listening to: I Give You Bass - Fukkk Offf

Fall Street Style.

2011-12-03T14:33:00.010-05:00

I'm still alive (mostly).

It is already December, and I still feel like I'm treading water just to get by. My weekdays are spent lesson planning, grading, teaching, correcting, listening, and then repeating the cycle until I can finally feel like I totally get ahead.

Then my weekends (and some of my week nights) have been spent in the city, crashing with different friends (I feel like I should be paying one of my friends rent - I'm sleeping at his apartment constantly, and his roommates are shocked when they don't see me on a weekend), going from lounge to lounge/bar to bar, and spending (too much) of my big girl paycheck on very important things (like Gucci heels and too many pairs of J Brand skinny jeans - never on a bar tab, I've still - kind of - got it).

One thing I love about being in the city on a regular basis is the constant source of fashion inspiration that you see here. It doesn't matter if people are running out for coffee, doing the walk of shame home, or are on their way to a gorgeous night out - everyone looks fabulous.

Those of you have been followers for a while know that I have a serious, serious love of street style - I think it shows a person's true fashion sense way more than if they had a stylist picking everything out for them.

Luckily I have friends who love to go out for food at different places, so there is plenty of opportunities to people watch and get crazy fashion inspiration - from people who are over the top and wear things I would never think to pull together, to the ones who make monochromatic looks appear completely polished and gorgeous - I'm constantly loving all things street style.

These are a few of my favorite looks from different fashion blogs - and one thing I've learned (and luckily am able to actually pull off!) is that skinny jeans + an oversized anything on top (cardigan, shirt, sweater, sweatshirt) + boots/heels is a foolproof fashion choice (and adding a pop of color with a fun bag or jewelry is an added bonus!).

The unconventional street style (read: fashion with a little more balls).

Susan Cernek - never would I think to pair all these gorgeous autumn tones together!

Oversized button downs with skinny jeans/pants is so simple, but so perfect (as perfectly evidenced by the fact that it's a staple of the Olsen's, my favorite fashion icons).

Olivia Palermo is always perfection.

Blazers are always the perfect addition to any outfit.

Motorcycle jackets are another serious win, that can be dressed up or down.

Rock fall essentials (maxi skirts, sweaters, etc) with your own spin on the style.

Fall tones, boots, jacket = perfect.

If loving Nick Wooster is wrong, I don't ever, ever, ever want to be right. The man is perfection.

Once I'm on winter break, I'll be posting more regularly - things these next few weeks are going to be incredibly stressful and busy with work, so I can't promise to be an A+ blogger, but I do promise to get back on track when things calm down a little! I miss and love you all so very much (for real!). Keep me updated on your lives <3

Currently listening to: Heavy Hittah - Skream

Jersey Girls.

2011-11-07T15:47:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks have just been a wonderful blur - teaching is fabulous, I adore my class, but I honestly spend my free time writing lesson plans while watching reality TV (my only reprieve from the textbooks I'm pouring through).

I've missed the blogging community so much, and am so thankful for those of you that I still can connect with via Twitter and email - I need to play catch up with so many of you, and I promise I will.

My social life has been very limited since I'm pretty tired most of the time (to the dismay of my friends - some of whom have shown up at my house with wine or Starbucks and insisted that I spend a little bit of time with them, while they study and I write plans), but there have been a few highlights lately to kick off my favorite season.

Hoboken (no jokin!) is a city that is across the river from NYC, and is ridiculously convenient and fun to visit. Only recently have I started taking advantage of how close it is, and how many fun bars and lounges line the streets.

A few of my girl friends and I headed there for a "girls night out," and we didn't even let the torrential rain storm and ridiculous traffic keep us from spending time together battling the rain.

My friends all made fun of me and called these "dominatrix/sex" shoes, but I love them and think they're fabulous and do not even care.

The first place of the night was Teak, this amazing Asian fusion lounge with amazing (but subtle) neon lighting and a ridiculous list of sushi and cocktails (I had a Cantelopetini that was CRAZY strong - as in, by the end of one I was totally feeling it). It was the perfect way to start off the night, especially with delicious fried tofu sushi rolls.

From Teak, we braved the weather and headed to 1Republik, a sports bar with a really fun and young crowd. It was the perfect place to catch up and spend time together before catching the train home.

Effects of too many Blue Moons.

A few weeks later was Kristin's 24th birthday, so the girls and I threw her a surprise party at a local brewery with some of her closest friends. It turned out to actually be a huge surprise, and it was (although some people almost told her about it and ruined it!).

We waited a long time for her to come.

Birthday Soco and lime shots, naturally.

Birthdays used to be the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay.

It was such a fun night (though I woke up slightly cranky the next morning since I am officially a grandma and can't handle staying up past midnight anymore).

The next two days will be a little crazy, but I'm off for conventions Thursday and Friday, so I'll hopefully be able to catch up with you all then. Miss you guys and hope you're enjoying the fall! xox

Currently listening to: Sofi Needs a Ladder - DeadMau5

Fall Fashion Musts.

2011-10-20T08:27:00.001-04:00

Fall is absolutely my favorite season. It has everything I need - pumpkin spice lattes (obviously), perfect running weather, changing leaves, and amazing options for fashion.

As most of you know, I'm a big fan of street style - more so than when I see someone on a red carpet (since if we all had unlimited resources, we could hire stylists and wear Marchesa, which is impossible to get wrong).

As much as I love a good minidress or short sundress on hot summer days, gladiator sandals, and head wraps for days at the beach, part of me is always longing to break out my boots again.

These are my favorite fall fashion trends - the things that I look forward to rocking (with a pumpkin spice latte in hand, obviously!).

A lot of these looks/pieces are work or play appropriate - just mix up your accessories and you have an entirely different look! Always a win when your work clothes and everyday clothes can mesh together.

1. Blazers
I am in love with blazers - colored, boyfriend, cropped - put a blazer on me and I am a happy girl. I love the versatility of a good blazer, because having something that's multifunctional is such a fashion plus.

Oh, Kanye - how are you so perfect? Take style notes, boys.

2. Tights with Shorts
I LOVE THIS LOOK. Wool shorts and tights are an unbeatable combination, and perfect for fall (especially in darker colors, or colors that mimic the changing leaves on trees!).

3. Layers
The fall weather is so unpredictable, so layering is a definite must. I'm a big fan of chambray or oversized denim shirts paired with a good tank or v-neck.

Perfect layering.

4. Scarves
Scarves are a really fun way to bring a pop of color into a mostly monochromatic look, to add something unexpected into your look, or to play around with patterns. Summer scarves or warm scarves, lehgoooo.

5. Long sleeved dresses
Double points if it has some type of open back detail (which could easily be covered up by a nice blazer to make it work appropriate!) - I love that there's finally an option so that we can not freeze our asses off on the walk from a cab into a lounge/club! The long sleeved style, particularly with an open back/some type of detail is so chic!

6. Play with proportions
Mix it up - cropped blazers/jackets with long shirts underneath are gorgeous; oversized plaid shirts or cardigans with short boots. Play with it and find what works for you and your body type!

7. Take advantage of the weather!
It's the perfect temperature for skipping tights on occasion, rocking an open back on an otherwise conservative outfit, and rolling your sleeves up before winter comes and requires us all to look 50 pounds heavier due to our North Face down jackets.

8. Colored jackets.
Oh my god, I die for colored leather (faux if you're vegan, regular if not - doesn't matter). Such a gorgeous way to dress up anything - and again, versatile enough that you can wear it to a casual dinner, but it still looks cute on top of a dress for a night out.

9. Be adventurous - and feel free to break the normal fashion rules!
Remember - it used to be consider unfashionable to rock socks with heels, wear white after Labor Day, or mix patterns. Don't be afraid to be a little unconventional - because I know I am absolutely going to be wearing white pants and mismatched patterns all fall long. Really though, have fun with colors (especially ones that supposedly clash, because those seem to somehow work beautifully together! I think dark, eggplant purple and turquoise is maybe my favorite color combination ever).

10. BOOTS
INVEST IN A KICK ASS PAIR OF BOOTS. Riding boots, motorcycle boots, thigh high boots - I don't care, just rock them whenever possible (I'm sorry, but Uggs do not count).

What are your fall fashion must haves?

Hope all is well, xox.

Currently listening to: The Prayer - Kid Cudi.

Humbled.

2011-10-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

To say that the past two weeks have been humbling would be a ridiculous understatement.

When I first started this job, I was a mix of nerves, insecurities over the fact that I had only taught children before and never adults, and excitement over the possibility that I could potentially be a stepping stone into life changes for people who really need it.

Never would I have guessed that after two weeks, I would feel such an emotional connection to my students and feel so blessed to have the opportunity to get to know them.

The area that I'm working in is a really rough one - it's crazy because when I drive to work in the mornings as I leave Franklin Lakes (which is where the Housewives of New Jersey live/film, if you watch that - for a reference point of the area where I live) and head for Paterson (the inner-city where I work), it is literally a 15 minute drive, and yet the life I've known my entire life and the lives of my students could not be more different.

The concerns and "white girl problems" that my friends and I have seem so trivial when compared to the fact that four of my students have been mugged/jumped within the past week, or are struggling to make ends meet to pay their rent.

I'm still overwhelmed and feel slightly out of my element - on my first two days, the staff handed me Pre-GED books on each content subject and twenty-one folders of students I would be teaching. "Divide them up any way you see fit," they told me.

That became the mantra of the job training I got - "Just do what works for you!" As I scrambled to divide the folders into two classes, call students to inform them when class would start, and start writing makeshift, sloppy lesson plans.

The thing I love about teaching is the fresh start you get - no two classes are the same, and you're constantly evolving, constantly learning, and staying active to try to reach the class as individuals, not just as a whole.

With these students, my primary goal was to establish some sort of a mutual respect and relationship amongst one another - to let them know that no matter what, I'm not judging them - in fact, that I respect them for taking control of their lives and being motivated enough to try to change it. I wanted my class to be more than just names on a folder with test statistics to me - getting to know them personally would help me better connect with them.

The students I have in my classes (ages range from 16-45, so I chose to divide my class based on age) are some of the most incredible people I could meet.

Applicable to every single one of my students.

They have so much strength and have bounced back from the hard things that life has thrown their way. Rather than try to act like they never make mistakes, they admit to their mistakes and own them - whether it was having a baby at age 15, going to jail, living in a halfway house, having been addicted to coke - they're enrolled in this program for a fresh start and a chance to better their lives.

Some are hard to read, so I never know if I'm breaking through to them, or how they feel about the class in general, but most of them have already started opening up as we're establishing more of a bond.

On Thursday, one of my coworkers came into my first class (that spans from ages 16-21), and berated them for not being more motivated or contributing to class discussions. While she had good intentions, that's just not my style, so my class was visibly upset (and I was too - especially since she said that they should stop "fucking around during class." Like, if you talk like that on your own, go for it, but I just don't want to talk to my class that way - it doesn't seem respectful of them. Again, that's just me!).

Before I dismissed them for the day, I handed each of them a Post-It, and asked them not to put their names on it, and to write any comments they had about the class today - whether it was something that I could improve, what they liked about the class or didn't like - anything (I even told them that they could write that they hated me on it if they really wanted to get it out), and then drop it in a bag on their way out.

The point was that I don't have a big enough ego to think I have my shit completely together - if I'm not going about something the right way, I want my class to be able to let me know. I was expecting a lot of criticism, or smart ass answers, but instead what I read made me want to sit at my desk and cry because they were just so sweet (I didn't take pictures of any of the things that said more personal things, but they were so sweet and touching).

A few of the notes I got:

I'm learning more and more every day - not to be judgmental, that working hard and putting forth that extra effort really does make a difference, that not acting like you know everything and have it all together makes people relate to you more than if you act like you're infallible - and this is just after two weeks.

I started two-way journaling with my students - which is basically where I assign a writing prompt for the day, which each student responds to and turns in. Then when I bring them home and read over them, I write back to the students and respond to what they wrote, adding in comments, or relating to my own experiences. It's technically supposed to be an exercise for showing students how proper writing looks and sounds, but for me, I want them to know that I'm as invested in this as they are - that if they're going to be doing work, I'm going to do it right along with them.

The things they've opened up about has been incredible - to my teacher friends, I'd highly recommend two-way journaling!

As the weeks go on, I know there will be times that I'm overwhelmed and stressed, or discouraged - but through it all, I know it's worth it. And I hope that over time, I can show my students that they're inspiring me to want to be a better person, and to never take anything for granted.

Has there been someone (or a class full of people!) who have unexpectedly touched your life?

Hope you all have a gorgeous weekend - it is the perfect fall day here today!

Currently listening to: Fix Your Accent - Fake Blood.

Sorry!

2011-10-09T19:48:00.000-04:00

I've really dropped the ball on blogging/commenting, and I'm SO sorry.

I started work this past Monday, and I'm absolutely loving it so far. My classes seem (mostly) motivated, and I haven't had any issues yet. My coworkers are amazing, the hours are great, and even though I'm working in the hood (seriously), I feel completely secure and safe (I've also made friends with the homeless man outside of Dunkin Donuts, who just for reference is NOT a fan of strawberry frosted donuts - sorry, bro).

I'm already positive that I'll have some amazing stories to share with you guys - already I had a mother of one of my students give me four ways to contact her and told me that if her son disrespects me or cuts class to call her so she can "whip his ass." (He's actually a sweetheart - relief!).

However, when first starting out in any job, it's easy to become slightly overwhelmed at first, which is what I'm experiencing now.

Since I'm teaching adults Pre-GED skills in all subjects, I have the power to create my own curriculum - while this is great because I do get total control and can plan whatever I want, but on the flip side, there's just no basis for where to start/what to cover/what's expected of me and my students, which is a little stressful for just starting out and being out of my element.

I've spent most of the weekend working on lesson plans for the week, so hopefully I can do a real post and catch up on all your blogs within the week! Miss you guys - hang in there with me while I attempt to get it together!

xox

Currently listening to: Jay-Z and Kanye West - N*ggas in Paris (DOCO dubstep remix). (Kanye is surprisingly effective music for writing lesson plans - who knew?!).

Relationship Advice for People Who Really Don't Want Your Advice.

2011-10-02T11:20:00.003-04:00

A few months ago, when I met up with my old high school friends we rehashed our memories - the times we got in trouble (both with teachers and our parents), the parties, the relationships - everything.

My friend turned to me and said, "You and I were like the Oprah and Dr. Phil of our school - I don't know why everyone felt like they could come to us for advice, but they did, and my parents were always ready to kill me."

And it was true - my phone would ring at all hours with friends who needed advice on girlfriend problems, boyfriend problems, parent problems, friend problems - I don't know why I was the moral compass of good decision making, but somehow I stepped into that role (probably because my dumb ass would actually pick up the phone calls that came in at 3 a.m. when everyone else was asleep, and people knew I was a pushover).

My friend went on to say, "I have to say, dealing with all of you and your bullshit with guys helped me learn how to deal with my relationships, and have better insight into how females think, so I guess I owe you guys something." (And that something ended up being an entire evening supply of skinny margaritas, so I wouldn't change a thing).

This was something that I appreciated too - I learned from my guy friends what drives them crazy, what habits they think makes a girl a "psycho," and where the advice that your female friends give you is completely off base.

The thing about this particular friend that I always respected was that he was the kind of person who when you went to him for advice, he never sugar-coated it - he gave it to you straight, whether or not you liked it, and he held nothing back. I was the same way - take it or leave it, I was going to give it to you the way I saw it - no gray areas, just black and white.

However.

The thing about advice is that some people simply want you to agree with them - instead of wanting your honest opinion, they just want you to parrot back to them what they've said, and agree with them no matter how clouded their thought process is. You can give your opinion until you're blue in the face, but they're so myopic about the topic that they just cannot see it any other way.

So, if you come to me for advice, but don't really want to hear my honest opinion, here is my list of pre-thought out responses, so you don't even have to ASK me - you can just reassure yourself that you're right!

The "Best Relationship Advice I Can Possibly Give You"
(Aka, The Things You Actually Want Me to Say When You Ask for My Advice):

1. You should TOTALLY text him/her again! They probably didn't get your last 5 texts - it's not crazy or ridiculous at ALL to send another message. Really, you're just being thorough and showing that you care, and maybe they didn't hear their phone go off the first few times.

*Bonus non-crazy points for this one if you use BBM and tell the person, "I see the 'R' next to my last message, so I know you got this - what's taking you so long to respond?"
(P.S. If someone actually ever sent me the following message, I might projectile vomit - I know, I know, I'm so unromantic).

2. It's not a bad idea at all to use those really emotionally driven song lyrics as your Facebook status - he/she won't have a clue that it's about them, and it definitely does not scream, "I'm a 14 year old girl!" at all.

Examples: Anything by Death Cab or The Postal Service (I think they're both very close to the same), 90's and early 2000's breakup songs, and extra points for anything Dashboard Confessional or Adele have ever sung.

YES - post this without a seconds thought!

Misspelled cheesy quotes are also a huge win - put your heart and intelligence out there!

3. If someone posts on Facebook/Twitter where they're going, it's basically an open invitation for you to also show up at the place where they are unexpectedly. Pseudo "bumping into" someone and catching them off-guard is definitely a positive.

*Bonus points if they use FourSquare or Facebook Places and you find out where they're going using that and show up there. It definitely proves that you're willing to go the extra mile.

Use it or lose it.

4. If he/she keeps bailing on plans with you, don't even worry - they're still definitely interested! (I mean, who knew that you can get the flu twelve times in a month or have forty-seven "family commitments" each month - uncanny!).
They probably read online the importance of playing hard to get, so you should absolutely not rule that out. Besides, texting (or even better - Facebook chatting!) is totally the new face to face time.

*Bonus points if you use #3 above and have a "chance" meeting. So cute - seriously, the kind of thing that dreams/Cinderella stories are made of.

5. When you meet your friend's hot friend and look them up on Google or Facebook, it is absolutely not a bad idea to let that slip into conversation.

For example, if on your next meeting (either by chance [see #3 above] or planned with aforementioned friend), they tell you, "I love to go running!", you can reply with, "Omg, I totally saw that on your Facebook!"

*Bonus points if you don't even know their last name, but look through all the friends of your friend that have your prospective crush's first name. Rules of the year 2011 CLEARLY state that a lack of privacy settings means that they WANT you to find them. (And apparently the new timeline will make this even easier - score!).

6. Meeting a guy at a bar and having him buy you tequila shots TOTALLY constitutes as a date, so he will absolutely call you again after you sleep together in a tequila/blackout haze. Bravo to you for your good decision making!

Nothing says, "I want you to be my girlfriend" like copious shots of Patron.

*Bonus points if this is a repeat pattern. Note: this bonus only applies if you are seeking a long-term relationship. If you're looking for a string of one-night stands, this bonus does not apply to you.

"Promotes Romance" is on this list, duh.

7. Get angry about every single person of the opposite sex that writes on your boyfriend/girlfriend's Facebook wall (or Tweets them).

*Bonus points if you're not even dating. Showing that you care and are territorial before a commitment has been made is totally a turn-on.

8. Keep playing dumb - it is the cutest thing ever when you use a baby voice, and act like you don't know how many dimes it would take to make a dollar, or that there's an AIDS epidemic in Africa.

*Bonus points if you make an intentionally dumb comment in the middle of your class to bring attention to you - smart, well-informed people are SO unattractive! The dumber you act, the more hilarious (read: appealing) everyone thinks you are.

Yes to this state of mind:

*Bonus bonus points if you genuinely do not know anything that has ever been a New York Times subject line (ANYTHING - i.e., that there was a war in Iraq, that Barack Obama is President, that we are in a recession right now), have listed "I don't read books lolz" under your "Favorite Books" on Facebook, and aspire to have a life like any Jersey Shore cast member. Life aspirations = win.

Jealous that your life isn't like theirs? Then you're on the right track!

9. You should always put yourself down - fishing for compliments is SO adorable, and no one is into people that are confident or believe in themselves. Absolutely every single part of you needs to be 100% perfect at all times, and you should definitely beat yourself up about it when you don't achieve perfection. Honestly, the only way you'll know the person you're interested in genuinely cares about you, is if you trick them into paying you compliments.

Add in a little more self degradation to this logic and you are golden.

10. I cannot reiterate this enough - there is no such thing as talking about your ex too much! The more you talk about them, the more the new person in your life will be able to learn from their (many, many) mistakes!

Wrong - keep remembering/talking about them!

I realize a lot of these are technology/Facebook related, but let's not pretend like those are not crucial things nowadays (and where so, so many creepy offenses are committed).

If you follow all these rules perfectly, I can almost guarantee that your relationship will totally model any of these (who are really the epitome of healthy, fulfilling relationships!):

Do you have any friends who chronically ask for your advice, but never want to take it?
How do you deal with it?

Hope you're all having a great weekend! Work (finally) starts for me tomorrow and I couldn't be more nervous AND excited.

Currently listening to: Tron - Joker

Make sure to enter my giveaway to win digital scrapbooking software!

Wedding Wednesday - Roommate Edition.

2011-09-28T12:18:00.000-04:00

Being graduated from college has been such a crazy adjustment (I feel like I say this in one form another probably too often) - it's been over a year now since I've been done, but I still miss so much about it. Believe it or not, I actually miss going to classes, having a routine, the clubs/organizations I was a part of, and most importantly, my friends and roommates.

I consider myself truly blessed to have found a core group of friends that I'm still extremely close with. While my roommates and I didn't always get along (except actually and surprisingly my roommate Rach and I - who were randomly paired to live together freshman year and continued to be roommates for all four years!), now looking back on it, I don't dwell on those negative things, only the positives from it.

Some readers who have been with me for a while might remember (vaguely, I don't expect you guys to keep tabs on everything I do, obviously! ;) that last year I was in the wedding of my roommate Chelsea. It was a really fun celebration, and the first wedding that I was ever officially "in", so it was an extremely special time.

Weddings always bring out the emotional side of me, and especially now that my friends are getting married (no, really - when did I get so old?!), I find myself becoming more and more cheesy and sappy as I watch these people that I've fought with, done their makeup, cried on their shoulders, watched copious hours of Sex and the City and Friends with, drank too much with - dress up in their gorgeous dresses (or suits!) and commit to a life of happiness and fidelity with someone.

I've been to a ton of weddings over the years - some with budgets as high as the cost of a house and some that weren't quite on that level, but to me, it's all about the celebration of love and happiness (I told you - it brings out the sappy side of me).

I got the invitation for my roommate Amanda's wedding in August (I honestly thought for a while that I wasn't invited, since the wedding was in September and the invitations were literally sent out mid-August), and immediately planned my trip back to Pennsylvania to attend the wedding along with Rachael (Chelsea wasn't invited - Rach and I were the only college friends who received invitations due to budgeting).

So much had changed for all of us in the year since we had attended Chelsea's wedding - Rach and I both broke up with our long time boyfriends, we had new jobs, had (pretty much) adjusted to life back at home, and were now talking about grad school, moving, finding ourselves.

It was so much fun to return to Pennsylvania, catch up with old friends (and make new ones) the night before the wedding at local bars, and get ready with Rach the next day for the wedding, as we had gotten ready for so many mixers/formals/nights out during our four years of living together.

Amanda and Kyle's wedding was different from any other wedding I had ever been to, but it was what they wanted, and was perfect for them.

The format of the wedding and the times was a little different, with the wedding ending at 3:45, and the reception not starting until 5, so Rach and I headed out for post-hangover Chic-fil-A (seriously, the waffle fries and Oreo milkshake - the only vegetarian friendly options - were almost an instant cure) to kill time. The counter people commented on how we were dressed, because apparently dresses and heels aren't typical fast food outfits (who knew!).

The reception in and of itself was definitely different - it was held in a fire hall, and had a Phillies theme to tie in Amanda and Kyle's love (read: Kyle's obsession) with the baseball team.

Rach and I were seated at the table with the other people our age (two that definitely took a liking to us), and we ate, we drank, we danced (the drinking helped with that), and then we drank more and loaded up on copious amounts of desserts (seriously, the dessert selection totally made up for the fact that I ate a plate of broccoli for dinner).

Rooms is so tiny that Rach and I tried to compensate for our height by awkwardly bending, so excuse the way our legs are positioned.

I swear other people were dancing too.

Best friends.

Cranberry and vodkas, vodka sodas, and ridiculous amounts of dessert. Open bar = win.

Aside from the wedding and how much fun we had with our friends, the second highlight of the evening came when one of the guys that Rach and I sat with took her outside (abruptly, in the middle of the Cha Cha Slide no less) and asked for her number, to which she nicely said no.

The next morning when she and I woke up and checked Facebook, I had a message from the same guy who told me that he had "spent the night talking to the wrong roommate," but warned me not to tell Rachael he'd written to me. Really (read: Could this guy really be that big of a douchebag? Answer: yes). We got a lot of mileage out of that one with "sloppy seconds" jokes. Guys, just so you know, no girl wants to be second pick, especially not to her best friend.

All in all, the weekend away was so necessary and I can't wait for my next trip to Pennsylvania to visit my amazing friends!

Do you all go to a lot of weddings? What have been some fun memories for you from weddings you've attended?

If you haven't yet, make sure to enter my giveaway!

Currently listening to: Bassnectar - Color Storm Remixtape

My Memories Giveaway!

2011-09-24T15:56:00.003-04:00

I love scrapbooking, and often - if I really like you a lot - I'll make some form of a scrapbook of our friendship for people. I've made them for my parents, friends when they get married, for birthdays, myself - I really enjoy it.

When I was contacted by My Memories to try out a digital scrapbooking product and host a giveaway, I was all about it.

My Memories is sponsoring a giveaway for a free copy of their My Memories Suite digital scrapbooking software! It is extremely user friendly, provides tons of layouts, templates, fonts, and add ons - definitely a fun way to share your memories with friends and family in a creative way (and it's especially nice to share with relatives who may not be on Facebook and have access to your albums!).

You can add music, effects, choose background colors - there are unlimited ways for you to share your memories with your friends and family in such a creative way.

Here are some of the ways that other users are utilizing this software (found from the My Memories blog).

The possibilities are endless!

My friend Leeann at Join the Gossip made this adorable and fall-inspired one! (And you all know that I am all about fall anything).

There are a few required things that you need to do in order to enter (unfortunately if you don't go by all of these things, you won't be eligible to enter - such a bummer, so make sure you read these!).

1. You must be a follower of La Dolce Vita.

2. Please visit the My Memories website and post in a comment what your favorite digital paper pack or layout is.

Extra (non-mandatory) entries:

1. Follow the My Memories blog (+1 entry).

2. Like My Memories on Facebook (+1 entry).

3. Follow My Memories on Twitter (+1 entry).

4. Follow me on Twitter (+1 entry).

4. Tweet about this giveaway - you must include a link to this post and also link it to my Twitter account (+2 entries).

Please leave a separate comment for each way that you've entered! (Or if you number all the ways you've entered in one comment, that's totally fine as well!).

For those of you who don't win the giveaway, My Memories has been generous enough to provide a special $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store - $20 value!

The code is: STMMMS8222 (it's recommended that you copy and paste this link when you buy to ensure that you have the code right!).

This is a really great product and company, and their customer service is more than willing to assist you as much as possible - I had a question and received thorough, detailed help on what to do within HOURS of the email I sent!

The contest is open until October 8, 2011 (two weeks). I'll use Random.org to select a winner!

Good luck, xo.

Currently listening to: Bonfire - Childish Gambino.

Positive Thinking.

2011-09-20T10:04:00.003-04:00

To say that the past few months have been challenging would be a gross understatement. For a while, my life seemed to have taken this downward spiral, and as hard as I tried to see the positive or the beauty in the situation, things just kept coming up to knock me on my ass.

That saying "things come in threes?" - definitely more fun when it's three positive things - when things start coming in negatives by the droves, it's really easy to get down on yourself.

I can't pretend - I started to feel really bad for myself. I journal my feelings when I get really overwhelmed, and then read them back and reflect on what I've written, and where I've come - it's usually a rewarding thing to look back and see progression of self through the years, and how I've grown from the curveballs that life has thrown my way (some self inflicted, some not).

When I was reading back on some of my journal entries from the past few months, I think I was doing a self pity thing - and it's okay to feel sorry for yourself every so often, but when you start pitying yourself and only looking at the negative things, I really think that those things become your complete focus, and it becomes impossible to see the positives.

I allowed Poppy's death to become a crutch for me to feel sorry for myself - to withdraw from some of my friends, and then mope around and feel even more pathetic/sad/sorry for myself -- and that is the exact opposite of what he would want for me. That realization didn't all of a sudden make everything better, but it gave me strength, gave me motivation, and helped open me up to look for the positives.

I have like, twelve subdivisions of inspiration folders on my computer, and one of them is just filled with words of encouragement - so when I get down and discouraged, I've been looking through them for inspiration.

So for when life throws you hard times - no matter what they are, I hope that these words/pictures can bring you the comfort and inspiration that they've brought me.

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time.

It was honestly when I consciously adjusted my attitude that I was only able to see the positives, which I really believe opened me up to seeing the beauty in life. If I had continued with my bad attitude/self pity, I think that I would have let a ton of experiences pass me by, and who knows if I would have gotten a job, had great times with my friends, or enjoyed the company of my family.

I'm not saying that by looking for the beauty in life, you'll never get down or discouraged - that's a total normal thing to experience. It's when we let that sadness/anger/negativity control our lives that we're too clouded to ever see the positive (and I love you all too much to want you to feel that way!).

To end it with a quote from a children's book that resonates so strongly with me (that is actually inscribed to me in one of the last cards Poppy ever wrote me on my 23rd birthday, which is so hauntingly beautiful),

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

-Christopher Robin; Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne

Love you all and am just an email away if any of you ever need anything - you all make me happy/inspired. xox

Currently listening to: Primetime - The Throne (Jay-Z and Kanye West).

Family Dinner.

2011-09-16T09:25:00.004-04:00

Food has always been a central part of bonding with my family. For as long as I can remember, we've gone out to eat and some of our best memories took place at dinners out. Even as a young child, my parents took Pat and I out to pretty nice restaurants, but instilled in us proper restaurant etiquette (actually, one time my mom picked up Pat and sat with him in the car because he was throwing a tantrum - this is why I have no tolerance for misbehaving children in nice restaurants).

Most of my favorite memories, especially with Poppy and my dad's side of the family, revolve around us sitting at a dinner table, laughing and trading memories back and forth, enjoying the time spent together.

We still go out to eat as a family (now minus Pat, though he always joins us when he comes home to visit) at least twice a week, experimenting with different cuisines and options, sharing the things we ordered, and catching up with one another.

Now that I've settled back into a routine where I'm not home much, I actually look forward to these times out to spend time with my parents without any pressure or stress, and argument free.

I used to be pretty snobby about the food on the Cape - for one, there is no decent Chinese food, which to me is quite the horror, because you can throw a rock in Jersey and you'll hit an amazing Chinese restaurant - and I guess being used to going into the city as much as we do for dinners has given me an elitist attitude about dining out.

The past few years though, my family has discovered some of the hidden gems of Cape Cod - places that offer food and service that rivals some of my favorite NYC restaurants.

The Captain Linnell House is one of those places - the perfect combination of amazing food, a gorgeous location, and service that really does parallel that of Delmonico's in NYC.

The restaurant itself is in a historic estate, that has now been converted into the restaurant, as well as a reception hall for weddings.

Since I've become a pescetarian, I have begun to seek out (and commend) restaurants that offer a variety of options on their menus that can encompass meat-eaters, pescetarians, and vegetarians, which the Captain Linnell House does impeccably.

Above all though, I'm grateful for the fun evening I was able to spend with my parents at the restaurant - the food, drinks, and gorgeous setting were only second to the flowing conversation and laughs that we shared (though after my second tequila-based drink, I stupidly told my parents that in college me + tequila were not a winning combination, to which my mom replied, "That sounds like my college experience!" Crisis averted, and I learned that I am clearly not the only lush in my family).

I'm pretty sure that we have a thousand pictures in front of the fireplace at the Cape house.

There had been a wedding on the premises the day before, so these were the remnants of that.

The grounds were so gorgeous.

And obviously, the best part was the amazing food/drinks.

Lobstah bisque.

My seared yellowfin (hidden under wasabi marinated microgreen).

Crab stuffed longfin/pork medallions.

And then there was dessert - because really, who can ever turn down cake?

Dad's key lime pie (to go).

(I'm writing this post on an empty stomach, which is a mistake because I am now craving this carrot cake - it was incredible, and took me three days to eat the whole thing).

We left the restaurant five pounds heavier (read: they had to forklift me into the car), but having enjoyed the company of each other, which is really all you can ask for.

What is your favorite restaurant (local or chain - doesn't matter!)?

Currently listening to: White Blank Page - Mumford & Sons (a slight switch from the usual dubstep/electro).

P.S. Guys - I got an actual teaching job! I'll be teaching adults in an inner city who are on a 2nd-5th grade level and aspire to improve their basic reading and math skills so they can get jobs in the community. While it isn't an el. ed job, I really like what the program stands for, so I'm excited! :)

A Decade.

2011-09-11T08:40:00.001-04:00

I still remember exactly where I was that day.

It was in eighth grade, and I was in Mrs. Hammond's history class, sitting on a desk, talking with a friend (the same Mrs. Hammond, who would tell me that I was going to hell because I took a picture with a boy and he put his arms around me - true story).

My school gave us a 20 minute break (called "bagel break" because they sold bagels in the Pavillion on campus during this 20 minute window), which was why we weren't getting screamed at (read: condemned to hell) for talking.

It was a typical day, except I was beyond excited - that night my mom, Pat, and I were meeting my dad in the city where he got luxury box tickets to the Yankees game that evening. My dad would be in the city in meetings for the day, and was excited to get us tickets so we could all spend time together (and my mother, a Red Sox fan, was plied with promises of sushi and free alcohol in the box seats).

The thoughts of gorging myself with sushi were on my mind as I drifted into meaningless conversations with friends, and then, in a split second - everything changed.

I still remember the look on my friend's face, when he ran through the double doors screaming the news that would resonate with Americans around the world - a plane had flown into one of the Twin Towers, sending it crashing down into a pile of rubble.

In a split second, all of our lives changed as we contemplated what that meant for the future. The school began to empty as we all headed for the parking lot of our private school, which had a view of the NYC skyline from a distance away. The thick clouds of black smoke were visible from where we stood, as we all hung on to each other, trying to process what was going on.

I still remember a friend turning to us and saying, "Well at least the second one is still standing."

Classes were canceled for the day, and we all huddled as an entire student body - kindergarten through twelfth grade - in the gym, where we watched the news coverage on huge projection screens. Horror broke out on all of our faces when we found out that the second tower had fallen, that the Pentagon had been hit, and of the fourth plane that crashed in Pennsylvania.

Once news of the second tower being hit broke, that was when it sunk in - this was happening, this was real, and it was happening less than a half hour away.

A mass panic broke out in my school, as people thought of the family members that they had working in the Trade Center - my best friend at the time collapsed in our classroom after she tried to contact her brother via cell phone to no avail, since cell towers all over the city were out of service. This girl, who was one of the toughest, strongest people I knew was sitting on the tiled floor of the hallway scream crying over the uncertainty of where her brother was and if he was safe (we later found out that her brother was okay - he had even carried an older secretary in his office in his arms as he ran down forty flights of stairs before Tower 2 collapsed).

The hallways of my school were scattered with the student body and faculty, all consoling one another.

No one felt too big or tough to cry - it was a time that we were all truly leaning on each other.

Whatever bullshit drama had been going on, it was forgotten - enemies were seen rallying around one another, ex boyfriends and girlfriends were hugging as the tears flowed freely - for once, we were united in our grief, and our utter disbelief in what had happened.

This same unity seemed widespread amongst Americans that day, and for months after - tragedy had united us, had made us think about the bigger picture and see that we were not as invincible as we once thought.

I remember feeling removed from the situation - and then I remembered that my father was in the city that day, and the panic started to sink in for me. Parents began coming early to pick their kids up - many of whom had loved ones that worked in the city or in the Trade Center.

In the back of all of our minds, getting picked up early meant that someone that you knew had died or hadn't been heard from - there was almost a collective sigh of relief when the intercom buzzed and your name wasn't announced to pack up your bags and head home early.

My mom came to school to pick me up early - and I swear to you, I thought it was because my dad had died. My legs literally crumbled beneath me, and I had to make my way to the office with the help of two of my friends - I've never felt so out of control of my own body in my entire life. I literally had to lean on the support (physical and emotional) from my friends to make my way to the office.

Once my panic subsided as my mom reassured me that my dad was okay, I felt like I could breathe again - but only for a short time, until we got home and began seeing news reports of the devastation, that was literally so close that we could see the billowing clouds of smoke in the distance.

My dad had been on the George Washington Bridge when the first plane hit - he had ran late that day (thanks to me not being on time for school), and was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic when he literally saw the tower fall.

There were more stories that day of people who had missed the subway, woken up late, felt sick, missed work for whatever reason - even as I write this, I get the chills from just thinking about all the stories that we heard of that ended with, "and I missed it by 10 seconds."

Looking back, I cannot believe that it's been ten years. I can literally remember every aspect of that day - the emotions, the faces of my friends and fellow classmates as we heard the news, the way it felt to hug my mom, dad, and Pat when we all finally saw each other, and the heaviness of our hearts as we learned of loved ones and friends/family of friends that had lost their lives.

I remember a week after 9/11, I had to go to the city for a doctor's appointment. This was always something that I was so excited about doing, since my dad and I would head in together and then go out to dinner (and obviously get cupcakes). I'll never forget the debilitating fear that I felt as we drove into the city that day - the uneasiness hung in the air. People were going about their lives, but there was an air of caution that was so palpable you could sense it.

The hardest part for me, was walking by all the street posts that were covered in "Have You Seen My..." posters, put up by people desperate to find out what had happened to their parents, children, spouses, and friends.

(Tiles hung on a fence in the West Village, made by students in different public schools around the city with messages of hope and unity).

The days, weeks, and months following September 11th were filled with ups and downs - times of triumph and times of further devastation. But through it all, I'll never forget the feelings of unity and togetherness amidst such a dark and horrible time.

Now, a decade later, while I have grown up so much from that day, it will always be with me. Every year that goes by, I reflect on where I was, on what happened, and on how much life has changed for all of us since that day.

To end by quoting Obama with a message of hope, and how we can all grow from the tragedy and devastation of 9/11:

"Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11."

Love you all.

Currently listening to: Lovers Melt 2 - Flying Lotus

Come at Me, Bro.

2011-09-06T20:23:00.000-04:00

There are things in life that just warm my heart - the return of pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks that marks the beginning of fall (at least for me!), cupcakes with really thick buttercream frosting, denim that fits perfectly, English bulldogs, and a good bromance.

I feel that in movies, TV shows, and even on magazine covers, female friendships are celebrated - as they should be, but I just think it's the cutest thing when males bond together.

Even when my dad gets together with some of his friends, I think it's so funny to see this different side of him - he becomes more talkative, and a LOT funnier (and is more willing to divulge secrets about his frat days in college, which is always entertaining).

Obviously I am not a bro, but I know all about the importance of friendships and how the absence of them isn't a healthy thing. Even when you're in a relationship, I think time with friends is such a necessity - he needs time with the boys (and then I get time with the girls, obvi!).

There's something about male bonding that sometimes a girl can't even compete with, or really understand (in the same way that we need time with our girlfriends - it's a different type of relationship than what you have with your significant other, but still essential!).

So these are a few of my favorite and super adorable bromances - both fictional and real life.

1. Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood.
Easily one of my favorite bromances ever - these two play off each other perfectly due to the fact that they have completely opposite strengths and weaknesses, and lean on each other through whatever life threw at them - family problems, breakups, friendship drama. They really became and saw each other as brothers. Plus, they're both ridiculously hot (though I was always on Team Ryan!).

2. Kanye West and Jay-Z.
Okay, at the VMA's this year, when Beyonce revealed her adorable baby bump, and Kanye was hugging Jay-Z and cheering him on, my heart melted a little bit.

2011 VMA's. So freaking cute - it's such a genuine moment.

It's no secret that I adore Kanye, and I think the fact that he can have such a strong bond with friends makes him more likable as a person (since he's typically perceived in a negative way).
Plus, the two of them came up with a sick new album that I can't stop listening to. Keep it coming, boys.

3. Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter.
As a child of the 90's, I grew up on Boy Meets World, so Cory and Shawn have a special place in my heart. They were the original (at least for me!) partners in crime, and through all the seasons and years, their friendship remained strong. Love these two, and I really miss this show (now I'm feeling nostalgic!).

4. Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick.
These two Gossip Girl hotties used to be roommates - they have since parted ways on that front (apparently Ed is a little bit of a slob kabob), but remain super close. Definitely a case of art imitating real life, since their Gossip Girl characters have a serious bromance going on (though I can't quite keep up if they're friends or not at the moment - those two have more drama than most relationships, I swear).

5. Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir.
I am late to the Community party, but I started watching this past March, and I am addicted. The friendship of Troy and Abed is hysterical - another relationship where they play off each other, and encourage one another to do creative (read: stupid) things. Every episode of the show ends with a clip of Troy and Abed doing something random and unrelated to the show, but those are some of the funniest moments. The two of them are completely different, and yet connect on a really unique level that's a lot of fun to watch.

I also love...

*John Oliver and Wyatt Cenac (The Daily Show correspondents).

*Bert and Ernie (though the jury is out on whether they're gay or not).

*House and Wilson (House).

*Matt Damon and Ben Affleck

Who am I missing?
Who are your favorite bromances, whether real or fictional?
(If you say the Jersey Shore boys I may projectile vomit - they are not on this list for a reason - no offense. Except not no offense, because they are just so gross).

Currently listening to: No One Believes Me - Kid Cudi

I'll do my best with commenting this week, but it is going to be a busy one with job interviews and a trip to Pennsylvania for the wedding of one of my roommates!
Hope you're all doing well, xox.

Out of Cape Cod Tonight.

2011-09-02T10:29:00.001-04:00

There are times when I definitely take certain things for granted - there are things that I have just become accustomed to that I don't realize aren't the norm, or that are things that I should be thankful for on a daily basis.

Vacations and time with my family at the Cape are definitely one of those things. If you were a fly on the wall in my house and hear my parents try to convince Pat and I to go away with them to the Cape, you'd think that they were asking us to shave off our eyebrows, or set ourselves on fire by the way that we fight it to the death.

When my parents first bought the house 10+ years ago, there were new things to do, new places to explore, and we enjoyed going up and feeling the place out (plus, Pat and I were young, and it was probably illegal for us to stay home alone).

Unfortunately, over the years the Cape house has become something that is mundane - a long drive for doing the same things that we could do at home.

My parents have sensed the apprehension of Pat (when he was living at home) and I about going to the Cape, so they've been putting forth a lot more effort to switch things up - to go to different restaurants, go to different museums, or just switch up the routine of the same old.

Knowing that they really are trying to encourage us to come up with them, I agreed to go up last weekend (with no forcing or prodding), and we ended up having a really nice and incredibly relaxing time.

It's amazing what switching up the basic routine can do - while we still went to our favorite restaurants, we varied the day to day activities, and just did a lot more to enjoy our time there. There was a lot of time spent together, but also room to breathe and kind of do our own thing as well.

And there was ice cream eaten every single night, so really - I don't think I could complain even if I tried.

Family dinner at Bonefish before dropping Pat off at the airport and heading to the Cape
(where I got carded and Pat didn't - really?!).

Rainy day preparation.

Sunsets on the beach (amidst probably a billion mosquitoes, which caused us to sprint back to the car after taking a grand total of two pictures).

Sightseeing and shopping around the Cape with my mom.

Sperry is basically mandatory Cape Cod footwear.

The Ice Cream Cafe has become a new favorite place - I opted for the fro yo, which they literally blend with anything you want - from fresh fruits, to actual pieces of carrot cake (for real), to chunks of chocolate - they advertise as there being hundreds of options and combinations to try.

Carrot cake blended fro yo and raspberry blended fro yo with Snow Caps. Perfection.

Pescetarian friendly family dinners on the deck (with Coop begging for pieces to be dropped under the table).

On the drive home, my mom and I poked around and took a back way out of the Cape, where we stopped at different places along the way at our leisure (since my dad had left a day early since he had to be back at work). As we headed out, we spotted this cafe created from an old Victorian estate, brightly colored and eye catching (with a very cheesy name).

Thanks to the wonders of UrbanSpoon, on the way home, my mom and I found another little ice cream place in Connecticut, which we gladly stopped at since we knew that when we got back to Jersey, we'd be stepping back into real life (and diets!).

The Old Lyme Ice Cream Shoppe was adorable, and had an incredible set up. Definitely a great way to end a relaxing (and fattening!) vacation. (Also, their home page features Carlton Banks dancing - as if ice cream wasn't a big enough draw to begin with!).

So cute.

When my mom took this, she said,
"I'm sure you're used to double fisting cups of alcohol at frat parties, so this must be a new thing for you!"
We also had a really beautiful and fun dinner at one of our favorite places, which I'll do in another post because I already went way, way too photo heavy on this one (sorry - blame it on the fact that I'm a visual learner!).

Currently listening to: Ready for the Weekend (Fake Blood remix) - Calvin Harris. (I am still clearly mourning the fact that I'm not going to EZoo).

Editorial Hoarding.

2011-08-29T18:42:00.001-04:00

I have a tendency to watch really bad reality television, and Hoarders is no exception. After I watch Hoarders, I always, always have the tendency to go up to my room and throw away or sort out at least 10 things, to avoid the fate of turning into someone who keeps food from 6 years ago and sleeps on top of garbage bags filled with dead cats and stuffed animals because I can't find my bed (if you have ever seen the show you will realize that I am not even being funny - some things that you see on there will haunt you until the day you die).

Lately, I sadly decided that what I needed to start weeding out is my collection of glossies, that literally I have been storing (see: hoarding), since about my sophomore year of high school.

As I looked at the stacks upon stacks of magazines that have taken over my nightstand, shelves on my bookcase, and that were stored neatly in containers underneath my bed, I felt a sense of sadness as I went through to discard them - but really, enough is enough.

As I flipped through the various glossies, deciding which ones I needed to recycle, I gazed upon the editorials and was just captivated by the photography, the clothes, and the evolution of styles in the ten years worth of magazines that I have.

So rather than hoard all these magazines, and run the risk of one day hoarding animals and having nowhere to sleep, I'm posting some of my favorite editorials from throughout the years - because space on my blog is much more available and uncluttered than space in my bedroom!

Say what you will about her, but Victoria Beckham takes some beautiful pictures.

Mario Testino.

Annie Leibovitz.

This is one of my all-time favorite editorials (and I don't even like Drew Barrymore, so take that for what it's worth!). Vogue, 2005.

Tim Walker (one of my favorite fashion photographers in existence).

The juxtaposition of the hard, gothic makeup and the cute whimsy of the floral gown and yellow house is stunning.

I still am in love with the Chanel dress worn by Gemma Ward on the left (and loved it ever since Marissa wore it to prom on The OC).

Karl Lagerfeld for Bazaar 2008.

Who are your favorite fashion photographers?

*Hope all those on the East Coast are doing okay after Irene - it was definitely a scary time!
We had a ton of branches/trees fall, lost power for a day, and had a flooded basement, but we're all safe, which is all that matters! Hope you all made out as well as we did. xox

Currently listening to: Sex Up My Brain - Designer Drugs (and feeling really sad that I won't be making it to EZoo this year. I'm actually way devastated about not being able to see Fake Blood and Skrillex).

With a Little Help from my Friends.

2011-08-23T11:32:00.001-04:00

I was talking to my mom yesterday on our drive home from the Cape (more about that later), and I was just reflecting on how much I hate change, but how certain things have gotten easier as the years have gone by.

I used to cling to things and people - even ones I knew weren't healthy for me to be around, just because the thought of changing a dynamic of my life was really difficult for me to fathom. The littlest parts of change were (aka are) hard for me to swallow - even silly things, like deleting people who I never talk to or who annoy me off my Facebook (which I finally did, narrowing it down from 1500 to less than 600 - which was a big step in weeding people out).

It comes to a point in life though, when you realize that there are certain people that weigh you down - whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, I really believe that there are people that are just not healthy to play such a vital role in your life. Some people bring about negativity to you - maybe by their actions, or maybe by your own (like the person whose Facebook page you go on merely to criticize - not healthy and something you can change).

My mom and I were reflecting on my high school days, and talking about a certain girl that I used to be BEST friends with. As in, stayed with her for two weeks while my parents went to Europe, she came on vacations with me, we did everything together. At school, if people were looking for me, they would ask her where I was - we were as close as could be.

It wasn't that we didn't have fun together - we had so much fun together. But as time went on, she started on a really self destructive path - and while we all had shit that we were working through in high school, she seemed to have the mentality that if she was going down, everyone had to go down with her.

It got to the point where I just couldn't pretend it wasn't happening anymore - it was a downward spiral that I just couldn't keep up with or condone anymore. I made a clean break (actually, not so clean - it was messy and horrible), but I moved on. I grew from it.

As I sat in the car with my mom yesterday, I said to her, "Isn't it so weird that this person was once probably the most important person in my life - she was my backbone, and the person I'd constantly go to for advice and now she's a complete stranger to me."

My mom turned to me and said, "But you can't think about that - instead, think of how much you've grown, and all the relationships that you've maintained even through that growth, the ones that really, truly mean something to you."

And she's right.

Last week really reminded me how truly, truly blessed I am to have such positive friendships in my life. While this past year has been one of the most difficult and turbulent of my entire life, I've had people who have stuck by me through the laughs and the tears, the nights out and quiet nights just catching up at Starbucks (naturally) - I really am blessed beyond belief that I have two of the best friends in the world, and a number of really, really good friends.

On Wednesday, Tonya (my bff that I've spoken about here and here) and I reconnected with an old private school friend (which lead to another friend coming later on), and realized that while we had all grown up and changed, we were still comfortable and had the same bond that we did years ago. When we got home that night, Tonya and I texted each other and each had the same sentiment:

"All the bullshit and drama at HCA was worth it, because we came out of it with really good friends - and that's a really rare thing."

Mini reunion.

The ironic thing was that I ended up switching wallets since the edges of my current one were starting to wear off - and inside a different wallet in my closet, were a bunch of high school class pictures from friends - and the first three in the pile were of Tonya and the two guys we met up with Wednesday night. I forgot how much I missed them, and seeing those pictures made me so overwhelmed with happiness that we reconnected.

My other best friend Kristin was in Japan ALL summer long (if you follow me on Twitter, you probably saw my crazy tweets to her saying how much I missed her - slightly pathetic). I saw her the second she got home for veggie burgers (made with beets, farro, brown rice, and black beans yummm) and a major, major catch up session.

Then Thursday brought along another trait I so admire in Kristin - flexibility and the ability to make the most of any situation.

We had been planning a shore trip for WEEKS - my bags were packed, I went shopping, I didn't eat carbs all week so I could look my best (torture), and detoxed with lots of Green Machine smoothies (torture x2 because these are good in moderation, but lose their appeal after a while) - and of course, we woke up Thursday morning to forecasts of rain.

While we were obviously frustrated, we made the most out of the situation.

There were Starbucks trips where we laughed about how I am apparently a hot mess and not able to properly respond to texts while drinking (with aforementioned high school friends).

Necessary.

Whoops.

We walked around Ridgewood, acting like middle schoolers taking pictures with the statues around town (no, but really - that one of the postman scares the crap out of me when we go to town late at night - he's just there and looks so lifelike).

Oh hello, illegal parking job (whoops).

And then, we carb loaded, since both of us had been on ridiculous bikini body diets that whole week - so we headed to the Country Pancake House, where we gorged on the carbs that our bodies so desperately craved.

These pancakes are ENORMOUS - I ate 1 1/2 and thought I was going to throw up I was so full, and she ate one and was entirely content (and my mom ate the leftovers and said they were just delicious).

Sidenote: please forgive my makeup free appearance - we had planned a VERY early shore trip that did not leave time or energy for trivial things like makeup and looking good for the camera ;)

Whole wheat pecan pancakes with peaches on top - ridiculous.

Leftovers.

While it may seem like just typical time out with friends, which it was, I really walked away from it just feeling completely and totally blessed and happy. I think I used to take for granted just how rare of a gift friendship is, especially friendship that lasts over the years, that picks up where it leaves off, that remains the same even with distance - so despite all the changes in life, some of my friendships remain a constant, and for that, I am truly happy.

(I took about a bagillion pictures from my weekend at the Cape, so I will be breaking them into a bunch of posts as I load up all my pictures - seriously, there are probably way too many. I took pictures like it was my first trip there ever).

Do you still keep in touch with certain childhood/high school/college friends?

Currently listening to: H*A*M - Kanye West & Jay-Z

Whirlwind.

2011-08-18T15:36:00.008-04:00

It's been a whirlwind of a week - one where I think I've been home merely to sleep, and then I'm off again the next morning, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.

This past week has been filled with family dinners out since Pat came home to visit for a long weekend, reunions with old high school friends that left me feeling reassured that sometimes things are just really easy and comfortable amongst the best of friends even when years have passed, the consumption of enormous pancakes when a trip to the shore didn't pan out (thanks a lot for the faulty report, weatherman), and obviously many trips to Starbucks.

Pictures and stories to come next week when I finally get a chance to breathe (not complaining - like I said, I wouldn't change a thing about it).

This weekend I'm heading up to the Cape with my parents for a weekend of food, drinks, and just getting away from it all - I'll try to visit your blogs, but if not I'll catch you on Monday!

Love you all, have a lovely rest of your week and weekend!

Currently listening to: Vampire Weekend - Walcott (this song always, always gets me in the mood for trips to the Cape - especially since it references Jersey in it too! You go, Ezra Koenig).

Royal Fashion Rules.

2011-08-14T12:21:00.005-04:00

Obviously the world cannot get enough of Kate Middleton (or Princess Catherine, I guess?) - everywhere you turn now, you see pictures of her and surprisingly, not much critique (minus a few critiques about her weight).

There's something magnetic about the Royal family, and this modern day Cinderella story that people are just drawn to.

I know that I promised that I wouldn't do a Royal Wedding post (but focused instead on my love of Treacy hats here), but now that months have gone by, I have to say, my serious girl/style crush on the Duchess of Cambridge shows absolutely no signs of dwindling.

I think that what captivates people (or moi, since I can only speak for myself) about Kate Middleton - besides the fact that she is absolutely beautiful - is that she's stylish and trendy, but timeless. Everything that she wears, you can just imagine people talking about for years to come. She embraces trends, without being too trendy - and she makes it look so effortless.

So while maybe we all don't have the budget of a princess, here are some tips that I think we can all take from this iconic style icon.

Rule #1: Embrace color - don't be afraid of it.
Kate Middleton never shies away from color - she's been photographed in a rainbow's worth of dresses, accessories, and separates.

Rule #2: Keep denim classy.
Kate always rocks denim beautifully - and even while wearing skinny J Brand jeans (hello, I know my denim!), she keeps it classy with a gorgeous (and super trendy, yet timeless) navy blazer.

Rule #3: Know your audience.
I love that Kate plays with proportions - she can rock a minidress, skinny jeans, or puts on a tea-length skirt for more formal functions. While it's obviously more important for her to be dressed appropriately for the company she'll be around, we can all take that as a lesson! (i.e. Your family reunion is probably not the time to rock your new Herve Leger bandage minidress; and a night out with your girlfriends at a club is probably not the time to rock your new maxi skirt - unless you and I go clubbing at totally different places).

Rule #4: Have fun with accessories!
Obviously we all know I love Treacy and his fascinators - but find your own niche and signature accessory style. It could be anything from a scarf tied in your ponytail or looped through the straps of your handbag, to a pair of earrings that you're known for wearing. Find what works for your body/style!

Love that this was worn during a visit to Canada.

Rule #5: Monochromatic looks can look stylish and polished.
Kate somehow manages to pull off a monochromatic look without looking boring - which makes her a style icon in my book just based on this alone. White on white is a fun combination (i.e. a white button down paired with white shorts and a fun brown braided belt - my summer signature look!), and there are so many ways to play around with this.

Rule #6: Have fun with what you're wearing!
I love that while in the US and attending a rodeo, Will & Kate rocked cowboy hats and jeans. I think this shows that they can embrace their surroundings, and just have fun. It's another way that they keep it real - and yet they still look incredible.

Rule #7: Your smile is always your best accessory.
While obviously I can't see behind closed doors, so this is just an outsider looking in - I genuinely think that Kate Middleton loves life. She's always seen with a genuine smile on her face, which I think adds to the love people have of her- it definitely helps when you look approachable, and not like a snobby biotch.

Of course, I prefer my royals partying with Kanye - but that's just me.

Are you all as inspired by the Duchess as moi?

Images via.

Currently listening to: Six Foot, Seven Foot - Lil Wayne ft. Corey Gunz

Feeling Femme.

2011-08-09T10:07:00.002-04:00

While I love the bad girl kind of look - cropped leather motorcycle jackets, skinny jeans, cutout dresses and shirts that just scream, "I may be pretty, but I'm also a total badass" - I have a soft spot in my heart for all things girly.

It may seem like such a tangent, but lately I've been indulging - in cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery (naturally) and Billy's Bakery (which is a new love thanks to my blogging turned real-life friend Lolli), as well as delicious petite macarons from all over Manhattan.

What strikes me about these delicious cupcakes and bite-sized macarons is the color palette they come in - these are so visually appealing in their soft pastels with delicate edging, or swirls of buttercream. The cupcakes and macarons that have been adding to my waistline are decidedly feminine.

So this post is just a collection of some of my favorite feminine looks - from lace to florals, and pretty pastels, to feathers and sequins - and to think that a post about fashion derived from a delicious macaron - Karl Lagerfeld would clearly not approve.

A Little Princess had it down with the lace-y looking cake, even in the 90's (complete with a hair bow).

Okay, it's not fashion, but it's still just so pretty, and fits the feminine vibe.

And in case you're not in the market for a beaded and feathered Chanel minidress, here are some budget friendly options still inspired by my favorite cupcakes/desserts.

Forever 21 (which is my destination when I'm not buying classic pieces that will last a while - they're so cheap that when they go out of season, you don't even feel any sadness):

American Apparel (yay bandeaus!).

Are you a big fan of super feminine looks?
What unconventional places do you draw inspiration from?

Currently listening to: Bassnectar - The Matrix

The Downside of Going Green.

2011-08-04T12:06:00.000-04:00

In the past few years, my family has been trying to make our lifestyle greener. It's all about the little ways of changing to reduce our carbon footprint - buying local/organic, using reusable shopping bags rather than plastic, consolidating errands so that we drive around less (though we do have 3 SUV's, so take that for what it's worth), and using a clothes line during the summer months rather than run the dryer.

I've been really proud of the strides that my parents have made to help the environment - I've applauded these efforts.

However, I never knew the downside of these measures.

A few weekends ago, I had a crazy weekend, filled with time spent with friends in the city, teetering around on heels that are way too high, not sleeping until at least 4 a.m., and somehow managing to avoid a hangover even though I was not exactly responsible (sorry, mom).

When I made it back home, I intended to sleep in late the next morning - and when my head finally hit my pillow, it was one of those rare and beautiful moments in my life when I was out. My phone didn't wake me up, my cleaning lady vacuuming in the hallway didn't wake me up - I was sleeping soundly.

Audrey is not pleased to be woken up unexpectedly, and neither am I.

I was in the middle of a dream, where something was crawling on me - but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. So when I woke up and was in that in between place, where you're not asleep anymore, and yet not quite awake, I thought it was really weird that I still felt something crawling on my chest.

When I sleep - I usually sleep hard. So, there have been times where I've woken myself up and been really confused because I've laughed out loud, or because I'm crying - and I'm literally in this state of utter confusion while my body adjusts to being woken up again (so if you ever text or BBM me and I respond in a really strange way, it's probably because you just woke me up and I have no idea what's happening).

As I started waking up - I felt it again - something crawling, underneath my shirt, and then moving down my legs. Obviously I freaked out, throwing my covers off my bed, trying to figure out what the eff was crawling on me.

As I threw my covers off, with my heart beating a billion beats per minute, I saw it - something small, like smaller than my palm and black, that jumped out of my bed and ran into my bathroom, and then out into the hallway of my house.

When I tell you that I screamed so loud that it sounded like I was being murdered, it is no exaggeration. Within minutes, both my mom and my cleaning lady were standing in my room as I strung out a line of profanities so vulgar, that I'm blushing now as I think about what was said.

Upon further inspection (and setting up a ton of have-a-heart traps all throughout our house) we found out that the creature that crawled up my shirt was... a MOLE.

I was literally mole-ested.

Somehow, this little MF crawled into the laundry basket that my mom left outside, while she was trying to save the earth and was line-drying the clothes. So this thing somehow got into the laundry basket and when my laundry was put on my bed, it got inside my sheets and burrowed - because apparently that's what moles do, and that's what this thing did inside my shirt. (I just shuddered while I wrote that - I can still feel it crawling on me).

Bet you this bitch never had a mole crawl up her shirt.

The next few nights I was too scared to sleep in my own bed - I would lay there and feel things crawl on me, would hear noises in my room (which shows that I am out of my mind, because obviously there was nothing). Needless to say, the next few nights were filled with very little sleep, which meant lots of glasses wearing, and many, many trips to Starbucks in order to be a functioning human being.

Lack of sleep = messy bun and glasses en route to Starbucks (in my dad's SUV - clearly anti going green at this point).

So to all of you trying to reduce your carbon footprint - I suggest you check your laundry basket before bringing it inside to avoid panic, and moles who are apparently fans of boobs/unsuspecting sleepers.

Currently listening to: How You Like Me Now (Joker dubstep remix) - The Heavy.

Make It Work.

2011-07-31T12:52:00.003-04:00

When I watch shows like Project Runway, even though no single part of me can sew, stitch, construct a garment - I find myself feeling incredibly inspired.

There's something about the fact that there are all these supremely talented designers, who would continue to be unknown without the help of this show putting them on the map (I feel like that is such an overused phrase in every single reality show - along with, "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win [insert show name here]").

Without shows like Project Runway, we never would have met the ridiculously talented (and so adorable in an "I want you to be my new gay best friend forever and ever" kind of way) Christian Siriano, who is still wowing Mercedes Benz Fashion Week with his unique style.

To me, it's inspiring to think that a television show is shaping the fashion world, and introducing us to designers with so much passion and talent who probably would never have a shot in hell of introducing their own collections without the help of shows like Project Runway.

You need some tough skin and some serious skills to get before these judges.

When I was student teaching, one of my students was always, always sketching - she was putting together outfits and colors, bringing in swatches (seriously), and could tell you any Crayola color in the box. One day, she seriously (a ten year old), said to me, "Miss B, I love your shoes. Michael Kors, right?" My jaw dropped to the ground.

When asked what she wanted to do when she grew up, she rolled her eyes and would say, "I want to go to Parsons and study fashion design with Tim Gunn." She and I would talk Project Runway (she hated Gretchen, as did I, and we bonded over our love of Andy South - no, seriously), and seeing her eyes light up as she discussed fashion design was really adorable, yet inspiring to me.

Whatever dramatics happen on the seasons only increases my interest slightly (because I can't lie - I enjoy a good catfight every now and then), I tune in to Project Runway for the clothes/challenges. It's crazy to me that the designers can get an instruction to craft something out of things they find at a party supply store, and come out with these gorgeous haute couture garments.

Plus, I just really love Tim Gunn. I don't know who I'd want to be my gay bff more - him, or Christian Siriano.

In honor of the return of Project Runway, these are some of my favorite looks from the previous seasons (and you best believe that I have seen each and every season - my dad even watches with me sometimes, and critiques all the looks he hates. This coming from the man who has to come in and ask my mom if what he's wearing matches before he goes out -apparently reality television turns anyone into a CFDA member!).

If you haven't seen the show, these were some of the looks that came from my favorite challenges throughout the seasons (each episode is focused on a challenge that ends with a runway show). The contestants have to get as innovative and creative as possible, and their inspiration and dedication always amazes me.

This was the challenge that won me over - Austin Scarlett in season 1 constructed a dress made entirely of cornhusks.

Daniel Vosovic's "Garden Party" dress (season 2).

And of course, this season 2 gem during the "Garden Party" challenge, which is basically my boy Tim Gunn at his absolute best.

Mychael Knight's dress made of coffee filters (season 3).

I LOVED this challenge, and Jillian Lewis's dress made out of Twizzlers (!) was ridic (season 4).

Korto Momolu's garment made of seatbelts (season 5).

Irina Shabayeva and Shirin Askari's garments created from newspapers (season 6).

Anthony Williams's dress from season 7 that was literally made from a potato sack (I love that he dyed it - this color is divine).

Gretchen Jones and Andy South's dresses all made from materials found at a party supply store - no seriously, both were constructed from party supply materials (season 8).

Christopher Collins' look for the Jackie O. challenge (season 8).

And then the final three contestants (sometimes final 4), create finale collections that debut at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in the city. These are always so beautiful and well constructed - it's amazing to see the designers visions and how they bring them to life over the course of only a few months with a very limited budget.

Of course the judges have some well practiced poker faces while watching the collections come down the runway, so you never quite know what will happen or how they're feeling.

My my my poker face..

Some of my favorite finale collections/looks.

Daniel Vosovic, Season 2.

Jeffrey Sebelia, Season 3.

Laura Bennett (originally an architect, so her clothes were always structured and beautifully designed), Season 3.

Uli Herzner, Season 3.

Christian Siriano's finale work, season 4.

Leanne Marshall, Season 5.

Kenley Collins, Season 5 (who was criticized for her looks being too McQueen-esque).

Irina Shabayeva's finale looks (season 6).

Anthony Williams, Season 7.

Andy South (who remains one of my favorite Project Runway designers EVER in the history of the show). His entire finale collection featured gorgeously constructed headpieces, Season 8.

Also, I am currently accepting gay bff applications, so if you are in any way reminiscent of Christian Siriano or Tim Gunn, I will gladly seek out fashion advice from you/give you boy advice. ♥

Who were some of your favorite Project Runway?
And what have some of your favorite challenges been?

xox, hope you're all doing well! Your comments on my previous post were so overwhelmingly amazing - I love each and every one of you so incredibly much.. Honestly, I can't even articulate how much I love you all. Thank you for letting me share something so personal, and do it without judgment!

Currently listening to: Cheese Smoothie - TOKiMONSTA.

All pictures found via Google Image searches.

Finding My Way Back to Myself.

2011-07-26T22:30:00.005-04:00

Putting my thoughts into words isn't usually a challenge for me (especially when I can write them out) - I've always been able to voice my emotions and make my point/voice heard (which pisses my parents off to no end, because when we disagree on things like politics or religion - or even curfews when I was younger - I was able to articulate my feelings in a way that made them understand where I was coming from).

However, I am the type of person who never, ever wants to come off like I'm asking for pity from people - I've always been able to deal with problems on my own, and have never sought out to use things going on in my life to try to get other people to give me attention.

I'd rather get attention because people genuinely like me and my personality, than because they feel sorry for me. Sometimes I have a hard time sharing my feelings with people - even my good friends, because I'm afraid that they will assume that I'm trying to elicit sympathy. I know that's weird, but that's how awkward and uncomfortable talking about the hard things are for me.

Even now, I'm sitting here with my heart pounding, my mouse flicking back and forth from the "publish post" button - because once I click that, it's all real, and I've put myself out there to be totally vulnerable.

My blog has always, always been a place where I've been open and honest - whether it's about my love for fashion and shoes (because I love shoes oh so much), my past history with eating disorders, or struggles lately with the death of Poppy - I've felt such an overwhelmingly beautiful amount of support from you all that it has encouraged me to continue being open.

I think this post is just kind of an outlet for me - a final cutting of the ties, and a cathartic exercise to alleviate everything I've been feeling these past few months.

Lately, I've been doing so much self reflection about who I am, and how far I've come. It's been a challenging few months, for more reasons than the loss of Poppy (which is not what this post is about, promise).

As many of you know (though newer readers probably don't), I ended my two year relationship with Jason in mid-January.

I can't even pretend that this was a difficult decision for me - and not a day has gone by that I've sat and thought, "Maybe I made the wrong decision." It was one of those things that needed to happen and was completely necessary, and therefore I'm lucky in the regards that I didn't spend my nights needing to be comforted by Ben & Jerry's and terrible chick flicks.

In fact, the more that I've thought about it, the more I wish that I had gotten out of the relationship sooner, because it was probably one of the most unhealthy things I've put myself through in a long time.

I'm not writing this post to bash Jason, or say that I was miserable for the entire duration of our relationship, because that would a complete and total lie. I will say though, that I missed a lot of warning signs - signs that things were just not what they appeared from the surface. Things started out great, but when they went downhill, they went downhill quickly.

For the good part of a year and a half, I felt really, really bad about myself, and was made to feel that way by Jason.

At first, when I really thought about it all, I got really angry, and wanted to completely write off every male as being an egotistical jerk, who was going to behave the same way -- but this lasted about a week, if that (because I really hate generalizations - and also, I've met so many beautiful, decent, wonderful males through blogging that I could never lump everyone into that category!).

Just kidding, guys.

Looking back, I think the it all probably started off quickly - but I was so in that honeymoon period that I didn't realize what was happening.

The subtle comments that I dismissed as him caring, or being supportive - "Don't you think that's a little low cut? I don't want other guys looking at you..." or, "I really feel uncomfortable with you hanging out with Guy Friend X - I see the way he looks at you."

I was constantly compared to other girls - they were smarter, prettier, thinner, curvier, less high maintenance, less materialistic than I was. The interrogating over every action of mine began, and was unrelenting.

Did I really need another pair of jeans? I could feed a family in Africa for the price of a pair of Joe's - how could I live with myself knowing that? No good girls go out and drink with their girl friends - that's asking for trouble, and that's why girls cheat. Why didn't I respond faster to his texts - did he need to be worried that I was texting other guys? Why did Guy Friend X write that on my Facebook wall - was it because I was dressing slutty when Jay wasn't around?

I listened - I felt guilty any time I bought shoes, or jeans, or even food at Whole Foods vs. buying store brand things. I stopped going out with my girl friends, and tucked myself away in the apartment, finding meaningless things to occupy my time. I lost contact with my guy friends from back at home - ignored their texts and calls, because I thought I was being respectful to Jay.

Then, it wasn't enough for it to be just about me - he started insulting my family and the way that Pat and I were raised.

My parents were "too focused on money and their careers" and weren't good role models for Pat and I because they let us drink or swear or talk to them about sex.

How could they justify having a vacation home when people in America are starving? How could my mom throw her doctorate degree at people and make them feel inferior? How could my parents justify having our kitchen remodeled, or buying a new car when the economy is crumbling and people are losing their jobs? How dare they?

After a while, I started believing all the things that were said to me - every underhanded, nasty little comment. And they were little comments - it was never yelled at me, or anything extreme - but every day, it was pointed out to me in one way or another the ways that I was a failure as a person.

I felt guilty for driving my car (which he constantly criticized my parents for buying for me), for going to China, for going out dinner as much as my family does - everything became something that I was made to feel guilty for having/doing/experiencing. I had always known that he and I came from different economic backgrounds, which I never saw as an issue - until he made it into one, bringing it up constantly - using it as something to hold against me, rather than celebrate the fact that I came from a family of extremely hard workers.

It even got down to him picking on the fact that I did well in school and that getting good grades was something I strived to achieve - which still completely boggles my mind.

My friends saw a different side to me - I became a shell of myself, because I was so overwhelmed with feeling bad all the time. Feeling bad about the things I loved that were clearly so trivial, feeling bad about the way that I was raised and the lifestyle that I was accustomed to that clearly was too extravagant, feeling bad about wanting more - wanting someone to accept me for what I was, because I was clearly just ungrateful for what I had.

I felt ugly every single day, inside and out. The thing about negativity and criticism is that eventually, you start to believe it yourself, no matter how much you believed in yourself before.

One morning (this was only a few months ago - like, early January), my friend Vickie came over for breakfast at my house, and we were sitting and talking, and she said to me (because this girl knew me since 6th grade, went through high school and college with me), "Al, you seem so miserable - you're not yourself, and you're so beautiful that you deserve to be happy. No one should ever make you feel like you don't deserve that - ever."

I can only pray that everyone in a similar situation has a Vickie in their lives, to pull them out of the slump, and give them the wake up call that they need. Without my even saying anything to her, she just knew, and knew the words to say to give me what I had been lacking for almost two years - acceptance and comfort in who I was. I think that at that time too, I was ready to hear and accept it - and that became the catalyst that I needed to really examine how much was wrong in the relationship.

Girls - or guys - if something feels wrong or if someone is making you feel like you need to change in order to please them - please, please, please don't be afraid to be alone. You are who you are, and you should not have to change that to live up to the expectations of someone else. Not only is it unhealthy to sit and take someone else giving you shit for who you are, it's emotionally abusive.

You don't have to be hit, or have someone yell in your face for things to be unhealthy - believe me, I realize I could have had it a lot worse, but that doesn't mean that someone you're in a relationship with (including friendships!) picking on you is ever, EVER okay.

The things you love - that belongs to you and no one else. Find someone who loves you for all the little quirks you have - the things that set you apart from others, and even the things that they don't understand (like a love for fashion or Christian Louboutin). Your friends are your friends - your loves are your loves, and no one should dictate those things to you, or make you feel bad about them, in a relationship.

So you know what? Maybe I do love overpriced footwear and denim, I listen to really, embarrassingly dirty hip hop and dubstep, my skin still gets breakouts, I can have trouble articulating my emotions and tend to withdraw, I may never be the prettiest girl in the room, and I get self conscious about my weight or hair from time to time - but I love myself, and I'm worth more than someone picking me apart -- and so are each and every one of you.

Okay, I know this is cliche - but it's so, so true. Doesn't matter if you're male or female, heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, fat or thin - whatever. You deserve the absolute best - each and every one of you.

As for me now - for the most part, I really love myself. I have flaws, and I still do have some scars from this past relationship, because building your self esteem up after it has been practically diminished takes time - but with the help of my beautiful family, friends, and a kick ass therapist (ha, clearly I have no shame), I'm on my way back.

And you best believe I'm rocking Louboutins on my way back to being 100%.

(Or attempting - my ankles were killing me).

So many of you are in beautiful, healthy relationships/marriages - and all of you give me hope. I see the genuine happiness that you have and am deeply, deeply touched by it.

I love you all so much and am always, always here for you if you need someone to talk to! Thank you for all the love and support -- honestly, it means so much to me.

Currently listening to: Back Against the Wall - Cage the Elephant

Mother/Daughter Tea Time.

2011-07-21T12:03:00.002-04:00

I think that we all have people in our lives that we look and think, "Wow, I have absolutely nothing in common with this person." Usually we luck out and that comes in the form of a bad date, friendship that we can cut because you move from it - unfortunately for moi, that person is my mother.

My mother is a lovely, sweet, compassionate person and I obviously adore her. However, we literally share absolutely nothing in common.

I love fashion, literature, sarcasm, modern art, being in the city, and coffee --
She prefers Hunter boots (only because I threw away her Crocs) merely for gardening, Danielle Steel novels, does not understand sarcasm at ALL, loudly makes comments at MoMA about how she could have done the same thing (to which I hiss, "But you didn't"), could care less if she never stepped foot into the city again, and is a tea drinker.

Down to the smallest of things, we have so much trouble finding similar interests.

(Funny sidenote: in high school, I took AP English Lit and LOVED symbolism. I thought it was fascinating that there were things that the author hinted towards instead of being overt -- especially in Hemingway's Hills Like White Elephants. My mother - who is a doctor, so she's no dummy - hates symbolism and can't understand it. She told me that in high school, she read Fire and Ice by Robert Frost and literally thought he was writing about fire and ice. She cannot grasp the higher concept. Le sigh).

Needless to say, having almost zero in common makes doing things together difficult. And since my parents have almost everything they could ever want, I usually try to plan activities for birthday gifts. This year, I literally racked my brain trying to think of somewhere that my mom and I could go to enjoy the company of each other.

Finally I found it - a cute little teahouse a few towns over that seemed like the absolute perfect place to go for lunch.

We ended up going last Saturday and having a lovely time together, over tea (though let's not pretend - I obvi made a Starbucks run immediately after) and lunch, and really enjoyed the company of each other (and I even gave her fashion advice when we went to a little boutique after lunch around the corner from the teahouse -- and Starbucks).

The place itself was adorable - it doesn't look like much from the outside, but inside it's small and intimate, with only six tables in the entire restaurant. Every person has a different teacup and saucer, which adds to the charm of the place.

Mom's Georgia Peach Rooibos iced tea.

Bourbon Street Vanilla Rooibos tea.

We ordered the "Tranquili-tea" which was a pot of tea, finger sandwiches, mini desserts, a scone, and either a soup or salad. SO good (but luckily the sandwiches and everything were so teeny-tiny that it didn't seem so unhealthy).

Cold summer fruit soup.

Cranberry crusted goat cheese salad.

Little baby sandwiches, and mango tart.

She told me she would hit me in the mouth if I put this on my "little blog thing," but oh well. I think she's adorbs.

Very fun mother/daughter lunch out.

Are we surprised that tea just wasn't cutting it for me?

All in all, it was a super relaxing, fun time spent with my mom - obviously it didn't open up the floodgates from heaven and make her interested in fashion or me interested in digging around in dirt in a garden, but it was a step.

And it shows that there are things we can connect on, and places we can go to escape from all the things we argue about so often, or just cannot seem to connect on.

How does your family celebrate birthdays?

(P.S. I promise I do actually have friends - there's just been a lot of family events happening this past month!). ;)

Currently listening to: Anti-Matter - N*E*R*D (I've been on such a N*E*R*D/Pharrell kick these past few weeks).

Boudoir Inspired.

2011-07-16T20:06:00.001-04:00

When it comes to my personal style, I tend to play it safe. I'm very simplistic in my look, and am well aware of that. While I like my style, there are times that I really want to venture out of my comfort zone and be more adventurous.

I live vicariously through fellow bloggers, friends, and even strangers I see in the city or on Lookbook, because I'm just in awe of the way people find their own personal style.

One trend that I'm fascinated with is the lingerie inspired look. Maybe it's just because I'm a small girl, or not as confident in my body, or whatever it is - but I'm completely jealous of people who can totally rock the exposed bra tops, or sheer blouses, completely inspired by lingerie.

Something I love about fashion is how versatile it is - how a lingerie inspired look can be shown on the runways of Marc Jacobs or Stella McCartney, and then get filtered down by people who adapt the look into their own budget, and to fit their personal style.

However, there is a fine line with this style -- you either end up looking classy and put together (thanks to tailoring and playing up one key piece being inspired by lingerie -- this way you can avoid looking like J Woww).

ALL CLASS, OBV.

While I could never pull off the no pants look like Ms. Gaga, she completely (and overtly) embraces boudoir fashion.

And obviously the trend has been widely seen on red carpets by celebs.

But personally, I love seeing how real-life people are rocking this look (and not looking like prostitutes either!).

Nightgown inspired (and perfectly paired with a Chanel 2.55).

I was lucky enough to recently receive some lingerie from Lingerie Please, including a perfect convertible bra from Baci Lingerie (for when I'm too shy to try to rock the exposed bra look!).

Have you tried out this trend?
How have you paired it to be in favor of fashionable rather than slutty? (Unless that's what you're going for -- if that's the case, no judgment!).

Lately I've been trying my hand at this look through racerback tanks with lace trimmed bandeau tops -- small steps, but it's working for me for now.

Currently listening to: The Reeling - Passion Pit.

Bittersweet.

2011-07-07T15:45:00.002-04:00

I think that firsts can be a beautiful thing - first kisses, first loves, first dates, first day of school or a new job - there are so many positive connotations that go along with firsts.

I've always thought of firsts as being a positive - a place to start, and grow from, and a place to learn lessons.

Lately though, I've learned that firsts can also be a really difficult thing. I hate to keep bringing up Poppy in like, every single post, but since this is my blog and I believe in being truthful, I have to say that I am having a really, really hard time with losing him.

As a family, we have bonded together through the loss. We've been there for each other through some of the difficult firsts - the first June 11, which would have been Poppy's 88th birthday, a day that we all would go to the Boathouse in Central Park (Poppy's favorite) and celebrate together; the first graduation ceremony that he wasn't present for; the first birthdays that have come and gone without phone calls from him singing Happy Birthday in his ridiculously off-key voice.

The power of family is a beautiful thing though, and we have grown together through this experience, especially on Father's Day - another day where we would all have been with Poppy.

I don't write this post as a way to elicit pity - I write it to say that through this really difficult time, I'm experiencing another first that I didn't realize would be so powerful - for the first time, I'm leaning on my family for support and for help, because they're the only other people who really understand what we're going through.

Before, we were all wrapped up with our immediate families, and we counted on Poppy to bring us together for birthdays, holidays, everything. Part of me had worried that him being gone would be the catalyst that would tear us apart - and I'm so, so grateful and happy that we've been closer than ever.

And so together, while we feel the loss so heavily, we're growing closer together. We're telling each other "I love you," more, we're going to baseball games, soccer tournaments, birthday dinners and celebrating one another more, we're expressing our feelings, our memories, and the things we like about each other, and we're calling each other just to check in more (my heart almost stopped when Patrick called me a few days ago to see how I was doing and to talk about his new job - definitely a first!).

My dad now talks and has lunch/dinner with his sister and brother at least one a week (which NEVER happened before), my aunts and my mom are constantly on the phone, and my cousins and I have been meeting at least once a month to hang out and catch up.

So while each new first will be bittersweet, I've come to see my family as a support system. And that makes me happy - because that's exactly what Poppy instilled in us.

So this is how we've been dealing lately, through all the birthdays, graduation parties, and things that have come up.

Cheesy (I was going for sentimental!) Father's Day gift (along with the promise of lunch in the city - on moi!).

Tom's grad party celebration.

Slightly excited to be graduating.

Copious amounts of food/drinks help.

Homemade by moi.

Vodka watermelon.

Happyyy birthday, mom!

Love you all - as always, thank you for all your support and kindness. You're all such special people to me! <3

Currently listening to: Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites - Skrillex

Scavengers.

2011-06-27T11:51:00.003-04:00

My best friend Tonya and I have known each other since we were in 7th grade. That is over ten years - so we've known each other since we were flat chested, acne prone, insecure middle schoolers, which basically means we know a whole lot about each other (and some of us, cough moi, are still flat chested. Thanks for nothing, puberty).

However, with that level of comfort and familiarity, there is the temptation to kind of settle into a norm, which is something that she and I do often.

We do the same things so often that sometimes I forget if we've ever done anything differently (and when I think really hard I cringe thinking of the things we've done in the past - like when I was convinced that playing beer pong with jungle juice was a smarter move than doing it with beer and ended up sleeping on a deck back in high school; or when she was convinced that mixing alcohol with juice or a chaser was for babies, and proceeded to take shots of straight Jack Daniel's at my house one night and wound up with alcohol poisoning).

When Tonya asked me if I wanted to be her partner in a scavenger hunt, I was immediately on board. For one thing, I was excited to get out of my house, but really, I was excited to do something different with her.

This was no scavenger hunt that was thrown together at last minute - this thing took over a month to plan, and involved so much law breaking (due to speeding, ignoring one-way signs, and horrible parking jobs in order to get things faster).

Although I've known Tonya for all this time, the scavenger hunt was probably one of the best times I've ever had with her - we are both extremely competitive, so we brought that, along with so many laughs, and an incredible strategic working of what would get us the most points. With over $150 on the line, we were hustling to find the most things, take pictures, and book it back to the starting location to continue on to find the hidden box of money (which we came in third place for - and it's a good thing because the box was in the deep end of a pool and Ton and I were both wearing white shirts).

We each took one for the team with certain challenges on our list of things to find and take photographic evidence of (like her having to ask a couple to hold their baby, and moi getting groped by not one but TWO people, which was 0% part of the quest, just an added little bonus).

For two girls who can barely find their way out of their own towns with a GPS, we ended up coming in third place all around -- and I was able to have one of the best nights I've had with my best friend.

My leg muscles will also probably never be the same - I haven't sprinted that much since training for my state tournament for soccer my senior year of high school.

These were a few (of like, a hundred pictures we took) of the things we had to do, to score 172 points.

Kiss a stranger
(This woman honest to God begged us to kiss her so she could be a part of the scavenger hunt).

Pump a stranger's gas, and get a picture with a gas station attendant
(non New Jersey residents are rolling their eyes, I'm sure. Also, this was when I got my ass grabbed in Allison Takes One for the Team by Getting Groped #1 of the evening).

Help a stranger cross the street.

Take a picture with a fire truck
(we got really creative with some of these!).

Drink a beer on a rooftop.

Eat Wendy's in a Burger King.

Stand on a double yellow line.

Take a picture with someone wearing a yellow shirt.

Picture on a blue slide, and at home plate.
(I promise I am not wearing a plastic bag).

Hold a baby.

Oh, and this wasn't on the list, but then I got groped by creepy, drunk, old man at bar.
Allison Takes One for the Team #2.

Twenty five point bonus for pulling this off.

With a Dunkin Donuts employee holding coffee and a donut
(I did not get bonus points even though he gave me his number too - bummer).

Switch clothes with your partner
(again, we should have received bonus points for doing this in a shady bar, and for moi feeling tres naked).

We ended the night in the same shady bar where we switched clothes with the rest of the teams - and Ton and I left the evening with our friendship further solidified - and some very, very sore calf muscles.

Have any of you ever done scavenger hunts with your friends?

What is one of the most unique or fun things that you've done/do with your friends?

Currently listening to: Get Hooked (Grum Remix) - Nightriders ft. Grum

Easy Peasy Dinner and Dessert.

2011-06-20T13:33:00.001-04:00

While I absolutely love, love, love to cook, and plan on doing a ton of it during the summer, sometimes time is precious, and I really don't have the time to spend hours chopping, sauteing, and prepping - then cooking something in the oven for an hour.

I've slowly been weaning meat out of my meals (I've actually abstained from it entirely for over a month now) - it's just something that's working for me, but it has absolutely not been easy, since it has meant cooking all my own meals, since obviously I cannot force my family into making this change with me (hello more reasons for my own apartment!).

So when I offered to cook the other night, I wanted something that wouldn't be ridiculously time consuming, would be meat free and healthy, but also totally satisfying.

I headed over to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's, where I loaded up on seasonal fruits and veggies - and at Trader Joe's I found that they have whole-wheat pizza dough for (drumroll please)... $0.99/lb.

This pizza was seriously the easiest thing I have ever made. I slathered it with sauce (pesto on one because my mom isn't a tomato sauce fan, and organic marinara sauce on the other), sprinkled it with low-fat Mexican blend cheese, and then loaded it with vegetables.

Seriously - this summer, if you are in a food rut - try making your own pizza! This was so easy peasy and tasted AMAZING. Plus, it was great to have more than one slice with absolutely no guilt.

There really isn't a recipe, because seriously - use your imagination and do whatever you want with it! Switch the sauce from plain marinara, try different cheeses, put unique toppings - be inventive!

We also only had one pizza stone at my house, so I used a cookie sheet for the second pizza - so don't let a lack of a pizza stone hold you back from trying this either.

Whole wheat pesto pizza [with grilled asparagus, tri-colored peppers, onion, black olives, and carrot].

Whole wheat pizza [with organic marinara sauce, baby spinach, tri-color peppers, red onion, carrot, and grilled asparagus].

*~*

For a complimentary dessert that can help you get in a serving of fruit, I have another ridiculously simple and fool proof recipe for you guys, that I actually made for the first time on Mother's Day and have made for myself probably twenty times since then!

Sometimes it can be a struggle to get your daily servings of fruits and vegetables - I love having fruit for dessert, but sometimes I need just a little bit more.

The recipe is actually for sauteed peaches, but we had over two pounds (thanks, Costco) of strawberries that were basically begging to be used, so I threw them in with the peaches. This recipe can really be tweaked for individual servings, larger servings - whatever you want, but it is delicious and ready in less than five minutes!

Sauteed Peaches (or whatever).
Tweaked from this recipe.
4 servings

Ingredients:

2 tbsp. unsalted butter
2 tbsp. sugar
4 large peaches, sliced and cut into wedges (obviously this is the part that can be tweaked)

Instructions:

1. Slice peaches, or whatever fruit you choose into wedges/slices (don't keep them whole).

2. In a large skillet, melt the butter over medium heat.

3. Stir in the sugar into the melted butter.

4. Add the peaches/fruit into the sugar butter mixture. Stir together until the sugar dissolves (you'll easily be able to tell when this happens).

(Sugar hasn't dissolved yet).

(Dissolved sugar - stops bubbling and turns almost a pinkish color because it blends with peach juice).

5. Cook until peaches/fruit are warm and coated with the sugar/butter mixture (about 2-4 minutes).

Coated and perfect.

6. Serve immediately (with a scoop of ice cream/whipped cream, if you like!).

Seriously - easy peasy and DELICIOUS (and healthy!).

If you guys have any good, low-cal, vegetarian recipes, please send them my way.

Currently listening to: MSTRKRFT ft. John Legend - Heartbreaker

Personal Touches.

2011-06-14T10:32:00.002-04:00

I recently Skyped with my roommate (who I lived with for all four years of school), and we were reflecting on the fact that just a little over one year ago (on May 8th), we were graduating from college.

So much has changed since then - for better and worse.

One of the biggest adjustments that I have had to make is the loss of freedom and sense of identity I had when I was at school. I went from having an apartment, friends that I lived with who were always available to do things, limited responsibilities, and a sense of ownership in my life.

See ya later, apartment and unconditional freedom.

I love having projects - having things that make me feel like I'm accomplishing something. Being a slob kabob and lounging around watching TV all day is something I can do once in a while, but I'm not one of those people that can just sit around.

I miss having something to call my own. I miss having projects, having things that make me feel good about myself - that are mine, and mine alone.

My family gives me free reign to do what I want in my room and everything, but it's still just a space that I'm pretty much borrowing from them. The house screams that it's theirs, and there really isn't much that is mine.

Exhibit A & B: It works for WASPy parents, but it's just not me.

In my room right now, there are little things I've done that make it more moi and less my parents, but they're so minuscule in the grand scheme of things, and just make me desire my own space where I can have total control all the more.

Coffee table books that appeal to my interests.

Magazine holder (actually a handwoven bag I bought from a trip to Africa - I love the color!).

Corkboard to hold my costume-y necklaces.

When the opportunity came for me to move into one of Poppy's homes (he kept the house that he bought with my Nana back in the 50's, unbeknown to any of us until a few months ago), fix it up, and help to clean out all the accumulation of crap from probably 50 years up - I jumped on it.

Immediately I started dreaming of ways that I will fix up this little house -- the little touches that even a limited budget can help to just bring a sense of identity.

There isn't a ton of free reign associated with moi moving, but there are enough little and inexpensive things that I can do to really bring my personal style and character into this house (once the green shag carpeting - no really! - is removed, of course).

Apothecary Jars.
Perfect for storage in just about any room of the house. You can find them anywhere - garage sales, antique fairs, Etsy.

I love that this one is vintage and French!

Fresh flowers.
My mom has flowers everywhere in our house. Every room has some floral arrangement, and big or small, I love that it just adds something special to a room - even just an unexpected pop of color and life.

Mini home bar.
Perfect for entertaining, and can be as big or small as suits you!

Pictures.
I love pictures - whether of family and friends, or of fun artwork. I think the framed art/photos around a house really say a lot about who lives there.

Shelves with personality.
Use shelves to showcase the things you love! Paint them, fill them, arrange them to fit your style.

Mason jars.
Whether to hold flowers or items, or to be used as glasses, I think these are ridiculous country chic. I cannot get enough of Mason jars, and plan to not buy glasses, but just use a ton of these instead!

Unique odds and ends.
I love little statement pieces that say something about the things that you love.

So, until I can have complete control (and a much bigger budget than what my dad is giving me for this little project), I'll be keeping my dreams on a smaller scale - and enlisting the help of friends to help me paint, move boxes, and do all the bitch work (plying them with promises of homemade dinner and wine helps).

I'll keep you all updated -- there is still so much work to be done until I can move in, but I'm excited about the prospect of being out on my own (even for a short time) again!

How do/would you decorate your home? What inexpensive touches do you have in your room/home that give a sense of your personality?

Hope you're all doing well! xox

Currently listening to: Power - Grum.

Photo Diary.

2011-06-06T10:47:00.000-04:00

Lately, my time has been spent...

Navigating the streets of Hoboken - in very inappropriate footwear for running to make the train there and back home.

Meeting new people.

My perfect friend who introduced me to all her fabulous friends.
[Also, please ignore my tomato-red face that is the result of a few too many rum & Diets... merci].

Trying to not be so dependent on my GPS.

(My friends were cracking up because I sat in the garage for 15 minutes waiting for the GPS to finally get satellite. Also, the popsicle melted all over me while I waited).

Making birthday gifts.

Complete with a CD filled with songs that we listened to in high school.

Reconnecting and reestablishing bonds with my brother (and celebrating his 21st!).

Pat's first (legal) happy hour!

Making highly underappreciated, but completely kick ass playlists for roadtrips with Pat to Connecticut.

Eating cake.

PORTION CONTROL.

Spending time with the people I love and truly care about.

I've been having a really hard time lately dealing with loss of Poppy as well as some other things going on in my life. Sometimes though, I need to stop focusing on the hurt in my heart, and just think about all the things that make me happy -- hence the inspiration behind this post, as well as the lack of posting lately. I'm hoping to bounce back ASAP :)

Love you all very much! xox
Currently listening to: Monster - Kanye West ft. Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Bon Iver and Nicki Minaj

Male Street Style.

2011-05-16T13:06:00.009-04:00

Lately, I've been meeting up with a very good friend of mine on a weekly basis (at least!), where we meet up and do dinner, shopping, Starbucks (I mean, obviously), and just talk about absolutely everything going on in our lives.

By this, I mean we talk about our issues with guys (positive and negative) and different stories about things from over the years.

One thing that I constantly complain about to my dear friend Kristin, is what slob kabobs so many of the guys in our area are. You would think that with us being two seconds from the city, the guys would be dressing perfectly, or at least in something other than head to toe Ed Hardy (no, seriously Jersey, play into the stereotype a little more).

It's different when you look at celebrities because you know they have any and every resource available at their disposal, and most likely have stylists picking out things for them to wear on the regular. I'm such a greater fan of street style - and anonymous street style. People who dress that way without the expectation of having their picture taken.

While I in no way consider myself remotely an expert on male fashion, (which is why I appreciate the darling Diego of How to Zip Your Fly and Syed of Dapper Kid for their constant education in a fun way), I do think that I possess the limited knowledge to know that a unique personal style is something that everyone - male or female - can easily possess. It's when people (girls included in this as well!), dress in head to toe Ed Hardy because they think that's what everyone else is doing, that there are problems.

Even my brother and cousins are part of the problem - our family functions are the place where Abercrombie/Hollister graphic tees come to die.

And so, just when I am about to write off most males as being majorly sloppy, and not caring in the slightest what they wear, I go onto Lookbook.nu and see page upon page of gorgeous and impeccably dressed males.

So, to all the males out there, I apologize for my preconceived notions, and for judging you based on a few slob kabobs (or for assuming that you are gay if you are dressed well). And for my fellow females out there who put a lot of guys into the same category that I did - here is your proof that there is more to male fashion than crude graphic tees with subliminal messaging.

(And Kris - let's set our standards higher!).

Oh, hello.

J'adore pops of color.

The Hermes belt is understated while still showing a knowledge of fashion.

Have I mentioned how much of a penchant I have for boat shoes? I love them.

Now I will be going through my brother's suitcase and burning all his Hollister/Abercrombie clothes, thank you very much.

(He flew home for his 21st birthday on Sunday - yay! Though my dad put it best when he said, "At least we're now celebrating the fact that he can't get in trouble for underage drinking anymore - it's not like this is his first drink". Bergen County parenting is interesting).

How would you describe your personal style in a nutshell?
What draws you to the style of someone else?

All images from Lookbook.nu

Hope you're all doing well! xox

Currently listening to: Get U Home - Shwayze (The Bloody Beetroots remix).

Let Them... Wear Hats.

2011-05-03T19:10:00.001-04:00

I promised that I wouldn't do a typical Royal Wedding post. I mean, I could go on and on forever about absolutely everything - I think that every piece of the wedding was stunning and I am more in love with Prince Harry now than ever before (though it's kind of a tie, because I now also have a massive girl crush on Pippa).

One thing stuck out to me more than ever, that I think completely distinguishes the Royal Wedding from any other wedding I've ever seen in my entire life.

The hats.

I now have a new love for all things hats/fascinators and Philip Treacy. Now, if I showed up to a wedding in the States wearing a Philip Treacy hat, people would probably throw rocks at me for stealing the thunder of the bride - but at the Royal Wedding, clearly nothing was stealing Princess Catherine's (!) thunder, so the bigger the hat, the more socially acceptable.

Treacy in his "workshop" with his glorious fascinators.

I can still remember seeing my first Philip Treacy hat. I was mesmerized by the absurdity of it, and just how well-constructed and flawless it was.

SJP at the Sex & the City premiere. Stylish and outrageous in true Carrie Bradshaw fashion (with a Philip Treacy headpiece).

I was also 100% jealous, because this girl is absolutely not a hat person, unless it's one of those beanies that hangs off the back of my head and makes my brother refer to me as a "hipster asshole" (the love of Vampire Weekend doesn't help my pleas to the contrary).

Philip Treacy pieces have been worn over the years - he didn't just pop up for the Royal Wedding, though he has been a favorite of the royals throughout the years.

SJP again in Treacy, and a gorgeous (but impractical) Treacy runway look.

Naomi Campbell attending Isabella Blow's funeral.

Fabulous overload: Treacy and Emma Watson for Harper's Bazaar in 2008.

Gaga, ooh la la.

Princess Beatrice actually wore a more scaled down version of this Treacy piece.

Queen Elizabeth II passed on her love of Philip Treacy to her future grandaughter-in-law.

(The Queen is so freaking adorable).

And now, the best and the worst of the Royal Wedding.

THE BEST.

The ever adorable Queen Elizabeth II (along with Carole Middleton and Camilla - all in Treacy fascinators).

Victoria Beckham with a subtle but gorgeous Treacy fascinator (along with the ultimate accessory, her hubs David).

Princess Marie-Chantal of Greece, showing how it's done in her lovely Philip Treacy fascinator.

Lady Frederick-Windsor (who I never knew of before this wedding, but think that she is the epitome of class).

Cousin of the princes, Zara Phillips.

Worst.

And obviously the title of the worst belongs to Princess Eugenie, along with her sister Princess Beatrice. I'm sorry, but seeing these pictures of them reminded me of one image:

No?

Are you all still riding the Royal Wedding high? I swear, I might never stop talking about it.

Are you a fan of the fascinators by Treacy, or do find them tasteless and tres obnoxious? (To each their own).

Also, in case you haven't seen this yet... (I'll confess, it totally fooled me at first).

(Also, thank you all so much for your support over the loss of my Poppy. The most bittersweet part of it all was the fact that my family received an overwhelming amount of support. You're all lovely, wonderful people who I am so blessed to correspond with through blogging. I'll give a more personal update in the future! Love you all to pieces, xox).

Currently listening to: Back Up in This - Designer Drugs

For Poppy.

2011-04-19T20:34:00.008-04:00

For those of you who don't know from my super emotional Twitter statuses, my grandfather (Poppy), passed away today (on April 19, 2011), very quickly and somewhat unexpectedly.

After having knee replacement surgery, making a recovery to the point where he received a clean bill of health and went to rehab - we received notice that he had a minor blood clot in his lung, which eventually required him to go back to the hospital, which then led him to the MICU, and then to the ICU.

Pat was flown home in time to say goodbye (and it really wasn't until my parents booked him a last minute, first class flight without blinking an eye that I realized the gravity of the situation), and we all gathered around the man who has been the glue to hold us together for years, holding his hand asking us to squeeze our hands, and telling him one last time how much we love him.

Tomorrow is the wake, and Thursday is the funeral, where I am delivering a speech (hopefully, because at this point I do not know if I can hold it together). When I was woken by my mom as she and my dad headed to the hospital after Poppy passed away, I was up just crying and reminiscing. Writing has become such an outlet for me that I turned up my music as loud as possible, and just wrote my feelings.

This post is in honor of my Poppy - I hope I make him proud on Thursday, and that my humble writing skills can express even a portion of what I feel for my grandfather.

Moi et Poppy, circa 1990.

For Poppy.

While I was growing up, many of my friends had both sets of grandparents - and there were times that I felt really sorry for myself. I never knew my mom's parents, and my grandmother died when I was only three, so my memories of her are really borrowed memories from others. Those borrowed memories are wonderful, and I have no doubts to the kind of person she was, but those memories are not my own.

I had twinges of jealousy in elementary school, as I heard stories from the other kids about how they visited their grandparents in Florida, or when their grandmothers would pick them up from school. In my elementary school mind, quantity was more tangible than quality.

How foolish I was to be jealous. Because maybe those other people did have two sets of grandparents, maybe they had stepgrandparents - but I am the granddaughter of Thomas B., which means that I have known unconditional love that some people have gone through their entire lives without finding.

I know the love of a grandfather, who came to every single soccer game I ever played – some days to sit wrapped in blankets, shivering on the cold bleachers.

I know the love of someone who kept a recording I made at four years old on his answering machine and promised to never erase it, even when it got distorted and almost unrecognizable as the years have gone on.

I know the love of one man who was there for every function, big or small, who told you that you were beautiful, or special, or talented, at times when you needed it the most. I knew on the days that mattered to me – the county soccer matches, the birthday celebrations, graduations, plays, - anything of significance, I knew that my grandfather would be there for me. I knew that when I walked down the stairs, even if I was just slightly dressed up, that there was someone there telling me how absolutely beautiful I looked, someone who never laughed at my dreams or my ambitions and who taught me to believe in myself.

My 23rd birthday at a Japanese steakhouse, where he tried to use chopsticks and had to get child chopsticks, which he took home to practice with.

For those of you who don't know him like we all did - this was a man who as a child, was arrested for throwing cherries at cars, and when he was put in a police car, popped the door open on the other side and ran away. This was a man who sang songs that made absolutely no sense, but he continued to sing them because he knew they made us laugh. A man who thought family togetherness was so important, that he did whatever he could to get us all to spend time together - including squeezing way too many people into a four-bedroom condo down the shore every year, and insisting that we all attempt to sit at one table for dinner, driving servers everywhere absolutely insane.

There is a French expression, l’espirit de l’escalier, which is when you leave a conversation and think of all the things that you wish you had said. I’ve been replaying over and over all the things I should have said to my grandfather – how I should have told him that he has made me a better person; a more loving person; that he has inspired me to be more – not to meet the expectations of others, but because I can be more; or just how very much I appreciated him – but honestly, I think he knew. I think he knew how much love we all had for him without a shadow of a doubt, because he instilled that type of love in each one of us.

I feel like my generation is more jaded – we don’t wear our hearts on our sleeve as much, and hold back. We conform to what we think our parents want us to do and many of us go through life never feelings truly accepted or happy.

How blessed am I, and are my cousins and brother, because have had a constant figure in our life who has loved us just because.

One day, when I have children or nieces and nephews, I will be able to tell them stories ofS strength, or stubbornness, and of unconditional love for family and the importance of togetherness in a family, because that is the legacy that my grandfather is passing down to me.

Physically, my grandfather may be gone, and my heart breaks for the loss that I feel at the fact that there won’t be more time to tell him over and over again how much I love him, or laugh at the funny things he says – even when sometimes he didn’t realize he was being funny.

In the book Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie explains to his student that while death ends a life, it does not end a relationship – the love that we have for each other will always remain, beyond the grave and that after we die, we live on in the hearts of everyone who we have nurtured or touched. I am proud to say that in this way, my grandfather will remain alive in me, and in the lives of all who he has touched.

My hope now is that we can all take his legacy of unconditional love and apply it to our daily lives, carry him with us in our hearts every day.

*~*

I write this with tears in my eyes, because it hasn't even been a full day, and I miss him so much. I miss his laugh, I miss the way he gave advice, I miss the way he loved us all so much.

For all the Tweets, Facebook messages, etc. - thank you all. I love you all so much and wish I could give big hugs to each and every one of you.

If you could keep my family in your thoughts/prayers/whatever you're so inclined to do, it would mean so much - especially my brother, because he has a really, really hard time externalizing his feelings, so he's acting like nothing is bothering him at all, when I think he's feeling really guilty for being away when Poppy was getting so sick. I don't want my brother living with guilt over something he couldn't control.

Currently listening to: Florence + the Machine - Cosmic Love.