Tuesday, August 23, 2011

With a Little Help from my Friends.

I was talking to my mom yesterday on our drive home from the Cape (more about that later), and I was just reflecting on how much I hate change, but how certain things have gotten easier as the years have gone by.

I used to cling to things and people - even ones I knew weren't healthy for me to be around, just because the thought of changing a dynamic of my life was really difficult for me to fathom. The littlest parts of change were (aka are) hard for me to swallow - even silly things, like deleting people who I never talk to or who annoy me off my Facebook (which I finally did, narrowing it down from 1500 to less than 600 - which was a big step in weeding people out).

It comes to a point in life though, when you realize that there are certain people that weigh you down - whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, I really believe that there are people that are just not healthy to play such a vital role in your life. Some people bring about negativity to you - maybe by their actions, or maybe by your own (like the person whose Facebook page you go on merely to criticize - not healthy and something you can change).

My mom and I were reflecting on my high school days, and talking about a certain girl that I used to be BEST friends with. As in, stayed with her for two weeks while my parents went to Europe, she came on vacations with me, we did everything together. At school, if people were looking for me, they would ask her where I was - we were as close as could be.

It wasn't that we didn't have fun together - we had so much fun together. But as time went on, she started on a really self destructive path - and while we all had shit that we were working through in high school, she seemed to have the mentality that if she was going down, everyone had to go down with her.

It got to the point where I just couldn't pretend it wasn't happening anymore - it was a downward spiral that I just couldn't keep up with or condone anymore. I made a clean break (actually, not so clean - it was messy and horrible), but I moved on. I grew from it.

As I sat in the car with my mom yesterday, I said to her, "Isn't it so weird that this person was once probably the most important person in my life - she was my backbone, and the person I'd constantly go to for advice and now she's a complete stranger to me."

My mom turned to me and said, "But you can't think about that - instead, think of how much you've grown, and all the relationships that you've maintained even through that growth, the ones that really, truly mean something to you."

And she's right.

Last week really reminded me how truly, truly blessed I am to have such positive friendships in my life. While this past year has been one of the most difficult and turbulent of my entire life, I've had people who have stuck by me through the laughs and the tears, the nights out and quiet nights just catching up at Starbucks (naturally) - I really am blessed beyond belief that I have two of the best friends in the world, and a number of really, really good friends.

On Wednesday, Tonya (my bff that I've spoken about here and here) and I reconnected with an old private school friend (which lead to another friend coming later on), and realized that while we had all grown up and changed, we were still comfortable and had the same bond that we did years ago. When we got home that night, Tonya and I texted each other and each had the same sentiment:

"All the bullshit and drama at HCA was worth it, because we came out of it with really good friends - and that's a really rare thing."



Mini reunion.

The ironic thing was that I ended up switching wallets since the edges of my current one were starting to wear off - and inside a different wallet in my closet, were a bunch of high school class pictures from friends - and the first three in the pile were of Tonya and the two guys we met up with Wednesday night. I forgot how much I missed them, and seeing those pictures made me so overwhelmed with happiness that we reconnected.

My other best friend Kristin was in Japan ALL summer long (if you follow me on Twitter, you probably saw my crazy tweets to her saying how much I missed her - slightly pathetic). I saw her the second she got home for veggie burgers (made with beets, farro, brown rice, and black beans yummm) and a major, major catch up session.


Then Thursday brought along another trait I so admire in Kristin - flexibility and the ability to make the most of any situation.

We had been planning a shore trip for WEEKS - my bags were packed, I went shopping, I didn't eat carbs all week so I could look my best (torture), and detoxed with lots of Green Machine smoothies (torture x2 because these are good in moderation, but lose their appeal after a while) - and of course, we woke up Thursday morning to forecasts of rain.

While we were obviously frustrated, we made the most out of the situation.

There were Starbucks trips where we laughed about how I am apparently a hot mess and not able to properly respond to texts while drinking (with aforementioned high school friends).



We walked around Ridgewood, acting like middle schoolers taking pictures with the statues around town (no, but really - that one of the postman scares the crap out of me when we go to town late at night - he's just there and looks so lifelike).




Oh hello, illegal parking job (whoops).

And then, we carb loaded, since both of us had been on ridiculous bikini body diets that whole week - so we headed to the Country Pancake House, where we gorged on the carbs that our bodies so desperately craved.

These pancakes are ENORMOUS - I ate 1 1/2 and thought I was going to throw up I was so full, and she ate one and was entirely content (and my mom ate the leftovers and said they were just delicious).

Sidenote: please forgive my makeup free appearance - we had planned a VERY early shore trip that did not leave time or energy for trivial things like makeup and looking good for the camera ;)


Whole wheat pecan pancakes with peaches on top - ridiculous.


While it may seem like just typical time out with friends, which it was, I really walked away from it just feeling completely and totally blessed and happy. I think I used to take for granted just how rare of a gift friendship is, especially friendship that lasts over the years, that picks up where it leaves off, that remains the same even with distance - so despite all the changes in life, some of my friendships remain a constant, and for that, I am truly happy.

(I took about a bagillion pictures from my weekend at the Cape, so I will be breaking them into a bunch of posts as I load up all my pictures - seriously, there are probably way too many. I took pictures like it was my first trip there ever).

Do you still keep in touch with certain childhood/high school/college friends?

Currently listening to: H*A*M - Kanye West & Jay-Z


amy b.s. said...

there are five of us from high-school that are still really close. and i couldn't imagine life without them. i love this post!

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

I'm so like you - I hate change! I have a lot of friends that I have been friends with since elementary school. Recently things have been changing (them getting married, having babies, etc.) so my friendships have changed. As much as I've tried to hold onto many of them, it's gotten to the point where I just have to accept that we will never be the same.

I am really bad at holding grudges though. It's my worst trait. If someone wrongs me I have a hard time of letting go.

So glad you've been having such a great time. You deserve the very best!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Claire Kiefer said...

1. You and your bff are adorable and look so happy. I assume she is aminuteaway or something on twitter? I see your tweets to her and always think they are sweet :)

2. The dude in the hat (from high school) is a for real hottie.

3. Postman statue is eerily lifelike.

4. I want those pancakes right now almost as much as I want that veggie burger. Also, can't imagine YOU skipping carbs . . . you're the teeniest in the world!

5. Jennifer Love Hewitt is DUMB!

:) xoxoxo

The PvdH Journal said...

First of all, those pancakes look so so so so so good! Pecan and peaches?!! Sometimes I do miss my years in the states (but my body doesn't miss the kilos haha)

Reading your post made me think back a lot to previous relationships and it really seems like there are very few relationships that withstand the test of time (however cliche it sounds!)... And also just this year I ended a very painful relationship that was doing me more harm than good (the blog was a way of self renewal!). Alas, your mom right ;)

Really enjoy reading your posts!



Em [The Writer] said...

Wait those pancakes looks delicious! Mmmm :) But I know what you mean with friends, I am not at that time of my life when I can be how you are now..but let me say you are doing a great job! It sucks to lose friends, but it sucks even more to keep bad friends..

Leslee said...

Oh girl... I loved this post! I am all about long time friends and they are SO hard to find. Nobody wants to make the effort to maintain the relationships... I love how you ae making it happen and I ADORE the "Happy Hour" faces you all have!

P.S. Your Mom's is BRILLIANT :-)

HiFashion said...

Firstly, it's so much fun deleting people on facebook!! A great way to change.
I guess friends really do break apart. It's sad, but the way of life.
But it is amazing to catch up with amazing friends, especially if you haven't seen them in ages!

Lovely to see you so happy!

Love, Lolli said...

Loved your post!! You write so articulately and honestly and I can always relate to you!! Its different and weird when friendships change, and there is no right or wrong way to feel about it. Your mom’s advice was so perfect and true. I am so happy you are still so close with some of your oldest friends which can be difficult to do, but is always worthwhile to put in the effort to do so. I LOVE your staycation pictures. You are such a positive, adventurous, lovely girl and always seem to bring happiness to those around you. I love all of the pictures, you are gorgeous, and can’t wait to hear about the Cape!!
PS. my word verification is 'aspen', I've never had a real work its usually a scramble of letters and numbers, so I think this means you need to visit.HA!!

Couture Carrie said...

Good for you, darling, especially about the FB weeding-out!
Love these pics :)


la petite fashionista said...

one of the most important things i've learned over the last few years is that things rarely go as planned. i've had to learn how to go with the flow and embrace my change.

it looks like you've done so well at embracing the good people in your life and keeping them around :) a few of my closest friends i've been best friends w/ since elementary school, crazy! the group of friends i've made up in wisconsin are the same w/ eachother too :)

Kristin said...

True friendships are worth their weight in gold! Meg and I have been besties since we were 16!

Nicole Linette said...

This post made me feel so happy. It gives me hope because right now I feel like I'm at cross roads with my high school friends.. I think I've been too critical with them, because they are amazing and I am blessed to have them in my life. I love being able to pick right up as if you were never apart. Those pancakes look outrageous and peaches are my favorite!! I'm so glad you rolled with the weekend anyway, and I can't wait for the pictures for the next post!


p.s. You're gorgeous, you don't need make up at all! Your friends are beautiful too!

Ash said...

You're too right about the whole 'weeding' out of friends as you grow older. I know I'm still friend-'ly' with a lot of people from back in highschool, but there's only a much smaller number of people that I know that I would truly call friends. Even though the number of them is smaller, they're worth that much more to me, and that means a lot. Quality over quantity.

You always look like you have a ball when you go out and take photos, they always make me smile haha. I've really got to get out more myself with friends, all of your photos and posts like this always remind me of how much I'm simply missing out on and for no real reason except that I'm lazy. I really have to stop wasting my life...
Epiphany = just occured.

And those really are cake-sized pan cakes aren't they? They're inSANE. They look mad-tasty though, SHOTGUN LEFTOVERS.

monica said...

awwww old friends are the best!!!

and that postman statue is actually horrifying

Audrey Allure said...

Great photos! It's so nice to have true, long lasting friendships!

Gracey said...

Oh my gosh those pancakes! Haha absolutely huge and yummy looking. And wow that's a big improvement on clearing out facebook friends, I need to get on that soon.

i.r. said...

Since I moved around so much in my life, and not just from city to city, but from continent to continent it's easy for me to welcome change.
Or is it easy to move around so much because I welcome change?
Anywho, I try my best to keep in touch with friends but only if I didn't outgrow the friendship.
You know what I mean?

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

I had such a lame dinner all I want are those pancakes now!

And secondly, I SO hear you on this post! Its so true that you need to just cut out those toxic people in your life who weigh you down. Life is way too important to have it be surrounded by people who dont lift you up. Especially someone as AMAZING as you!

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