I was talking to my mom yesterday on our drive home from the Cape (more about that later), and I was just reflecting on how much I hate change, but how certain things have gotten easier as the years have gone by.
I used to cling to things and people - even ones I knew weren't healthy for me to be around, just because the thought of changing a dynamic of my life was really difficult for me to fathom. The littlest parts of change were (aka are) hard for me to swallow - even silly things, like deleting people who I never talk to or who annoy me off my Facebook (which I finally did, narrowing it down from 1500 to less than 600 - which was a big step in weeding people out).
It comes to a point in life though, when you realize that there are certain people that weigh you down - whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, I really believe that there are people that are just not healthy to play such a vital role in your life. Some people bring about negativity to you - maybe by their actions, or maybe by your own (like the person whose Facebook page you go on merely to criticize - not healthy and something you can change).
My mom and I were reflecting on my high school days, and talking about a certain girl that I used to be BEST friends with. As in, stayed with her for two weeks while my parents went to Europe, she came on vacations with me, we did everything together. At school, if people were looking for me, they would ask her where I was - we were as close as could be.
It wasn't that we didn't have fun together - we had so much fun together. But as time went on, she started on a really self destructive path - and while we all had shit that we were working through in high school, she seemed to have the mentality that if she was going down, everyone had to go down with her.
It got to the point where I just couldn't pretend it wasn't happening anymore - it was a downward spiral that I just couldn't keep up with or condone anymore. I made a clean break (actually, not so clean - it was messy and horrible), but I moved on. I grew from it.
As I sat in the car with my mom yesterday, I said to her, "Isn't it so weird that this person was once probably the most important person in my life - she was my backbone, and the person I'd constantly go to for advice and now she's a complete stranger to me."
My mom turned to me and said, "But you can't think about that - instead, think of how much you've grown, and all the relationships that you've maintained even through that growth, the ones that really, truly mean something to you."
And she's right.
Last week really reminded me how truly, truly blessed I am to have such positive friendships in my life. While this past year has been one of the most difficult and turbulent of my entire life, I've had people who have stuck by me through the laughs and the tears, the nights out and quiet nights just catching up at Starbucks (naturally) - I really am blessed beyond belief that I have two of the best friends in the world, and a number of really, really good friends.
On Wednesday, Tonya (my bff that I've spoken about here and here) and I reconnected with an old private school friend (which lead to another friend coming later on), and realized that while we had all grown up and changed, we were still comfortable and had the same bond that we did years ago. When we got home that night, Tonya and I texted each other and each had the same sentiment:
"All the bullshit and drama at HCA was worth it, because we came out of it with really good friends - and that's a really rare thing."
The ironic thing was that I ended up switching wallets since the edges of my current one were starting to wear off - and inside a different wallet in my closet, were a bunch of high school class pictures from friends - and the first three in the pile were of Tonya and the two guys we met up with Wednesday night. I forgot how much I missed them, and seeing those pictures made me so overwhelmed with happiness that we reconnected.
My other best friend Kristin was in Japan ALL summer long (if you follow me on Twitter, you probably saw my crazy tweets to her saying how much I missed her - slightly pathetic). I saw her the second she got home for veggie burgers (made with beets, farro, brown rice, and black beans yummm) and a major, major catch up session.
Then Thursday brought along another trait I so admire in Kristin - flexibility and the ability to make the most of any situation.
We had been planning a shore trip for WEEKS - my bags were packed, I went shopping, I didn't eat carbs all week so I could look my best (torture), and detoxed with lots of Green Machine smoothies (torture x2 because these are good in moderation, but lose their appeal after a while) - and of course, we woke up Thursday morning to forecasts of rain.
While we were obviously frustrated, we made the most out of the situation.
There were Starbucks trips where we laughed about how I am apparently a hot mess and not able to properly respond to texts while drinking (with aforementioned high school friends).
We walked around Ridgewood, acting like middle schoolers taking pictures with the statues around town (no, but really - that one of the postman scares the crap out of me when we go to town late at night - he's just there and looks so lifelike).
Oh hello, illegal parking job (whoops).
And then, we carb loaded, since both of us had been on ridiculous bikini body diets that whole week - so we headed to the Country Pancake House, where we gorged on the carbs that our bodies so desperately craved.
These pancakes are ENORMOUS - I ate 1 1/2 and thought I was going to throw up I was so full, and she ate one and was entirely content (and my mom ate the leftovers and said they were just delicious).
Sidenote: please forgive my makeup free appearance - we had planned a VERY early shore trip that did not leave time or energy for trivial things like makeup and looking good for the camera ;)
While it may seem like just typical time out with friends, which it was, I really walked away from it just feeling completely and totally blessed and happy. I think I used to take for granted just how rare of a gift friendship is, especially friendship that lasts over the years, that picks up where it leaves off, that remains the same even with distance - so despite all the changes in life, some of my friendships remain a constant, and for that, I am truly happy.
(I took about a bagillion pictures from my weekend at the Cape, so I will be breaking them into a bunch of posts as I load up all my pictures - seriously, there are probably way too many. I took pictures like it was my first trip there ever).
Do you still keep in touch with certain childhood/high school/college friends?
Currently listening to: H*A*M - Kanye West & Jay-Z