Monday, August 23, 2010

Apology.

I was all set to be really good this summer with my blogging - writing comments to people, posting weekly (or even bi-weekly) and using my time after work to just kind of unwind and reconnect with all of my wonderful Blogger friends!

Unfortunately, the summer had other ideas for me. What I thought would be a peaceful and relaxing time before being hurtled into the job market, has turned into one of the most stressful and complicated summers of my life. Filled with good times sporadically (like the vacations I was able to go on), it seems to have been mostly agonizing amounts of stress and unhappiness, which is quote the contrast to the sunny and bright (and hot) summer we've been having.

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I think not having college as a buffer is going to be a ridiculously huge adjustment for me to make. For the past four years, while yeah, classes have changed, the workload fluctuates, and roommates can annoy you to death, I had a schedule, a routine, a constant. I knew I'd have money from babysitting for wonderful families, I knew that I'd have a good time with friends (even if sometimes I wanted to kill my roommates), I knew that I'd have privacy away from home without my parents being on top of me all the time.

Now, I'm a college graduate in the worst economy since the depression, living at home in a state where the Governor doesn't feel that education requires a big budget, and has made a $1 billion+ downsize to education. I don't have a set schedule, I'm babysitting this summer for the most difficult children I've ever had to deal with who want to do absolutely NOTHING all day (seriously, it's a fight to get them to go out for ice cream with me!), and I'm tired and unhappy all the time.

I'm unhappy with my current job situation, with the fact that I won't even have a job situation to complain about in a month, with J, with my family, with everything. I also don't know if I'm unhappy with certain aspects of my life because I'm afraid of the future and what it holds - the uncertainty of not knowing where my life is going. It seems that since one area of my life is really lacking, the stress of the rest of it, and the pressure I face from my parents to get a job and move out as quickly as possible is manifesting in all other aspects of my life in a completely negative sense.

I've been trying to fill my life with the things that make me happy - Starbucks daily (which I realize is wise, considering that I will be unemployed in a month, and should be saving money), running every day, taking pictures, laying by the pool, playing with Coop, reading all the books I have on my shelves that have been untouched for far too long, watching The OC, talking and visiting friends... but nothing really seems to be shaking me out of my post-grad funk.

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So until then, I'm trying to refocus and really figure out what makes me happy. Although I've been a horrible friend through blogging, I really do have a place in my heart for all of you - I love reading your blogs, learning more about you, getting inspired by the things that get you inspired too. You are all people that make me happy, no matter what. So, I promise to get out of this soon and get back into my normal, Seven jeans obsessed self as fast as I possibly can!

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Hope you're all doing well - I'll be catching up with you soon!

14 comments:

HiFashion said...

Hope everything works out well with you. I completely understand what you're saying. I graduated from Uni last year and the job market was awful. I had to do unpaid work for a while, but I've just found a great job. You really just have to hang in there.

Couture Carrie said...

No apology necessary, darling!
You are fabulous!

xoxox,
CC

I'm Lindsay! said...

I know exactly what you mean. Why didn't they warn us?!! Hope things turn around soon for you doll!

Molly said...

Oh my goodness, do I completely understand. I AM employed, with a great district, but I am in such a funk. This not going to college this fall thing really brings me down. I hope to break free and feel happy soon, but it's so hard. Chin up, and one day everything will be just like you hoped.

Morgane said...

i hope you will be well soon... you lives a "passage" in your life and the future seems to be hard to hold in your arms... I do understand really ... I know what unemployement is and all the anxiety it could bring ... BE CONFIDENT...GREAT THINKS can happened everyday.TAKE CARE !

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry sweets. I truly hope good tidings come your way ASAP!

Kelly @ The Startup Wife said...

I totally, totally know how you feel. When you graduate it's supposed to be this happy exciting time but then (especially with the economy the way it is, and the job market) it's like this HUGE alteration of your whole world. It's tough. And it's hard to deal with the congratulations all the time and the endless questions of "SO, what are you going to do?" I'm sorry things are rough. I hope they're looking up soon. Good for you for figuring out small things that bring you joy and going for them.

♥Aubrey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
♥Aubrey said...

Oh lady...i want to jump on a plane and run to give you the BIGGEST of hugs!!! It's a HUGE adjustment from college to real world...you keep your chin up and think happy thoughts. {Cupcakes & Golden Girls} Lol

Miss you to pieces hun! I'm only an email away :)

Keith said...

I wish you all the best. I'm going through a lot of crap right now myself. I posted about it at my blog today. Good luck. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Join the Gossip said...

I'm sorry that life is a little poopy right now :( I'm from California and we have the most debt in the country, out unemployment rate is the highest, and things just seem to be getting wose. I am lucky to have a job but it seems like everyone who has one is being taken advantage of becuase the employers know workers need the jobs.

It's hard right out of college but I am sure you will find something. You seem like a perfectly bright, capable young woman! I know it's easier said than done, but stay positive and good things will come your way :D

fhen said...

aww allison hope everything will be better soon
i know what you mean
i believe each of us always has a bit fear or concern about the future
i hope you can find a job that suits you really soon
until then stick to your family, friends, and j cause i believe they are the one that can make your days brighter

hugs!

Lani said...

I feel the same way. I graduated in 08' and took on a temp job. Now I'm in law school, and I still feel miserable. But I have faith that everything will work out. I hope you feel better and wish you all the best =)

Carol {Everyday Delights} said...

Oh I remember feeling the exact same way you ar right now! But soon enough you will find your way and it will all become clear. Stay positive!