Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Party Etiquette (Or Lack There Of).

This past weekend J and I were both invited to our friend AJ's 21st birthday celebration. He turned the basement of his beautiful home in Connecticut into a club - complete with neon paint, strobe lights, a fog machine, techno and trance music that lasted until 4:30 a.m., and more glowsticks than I could count.
AJ invited over 300 people to his party - his desire for a massive party that everyone around Connecticut posted pictures from on Facebook was more important to him than inviting non shady people. J and I mentioned to each other that we did not think his parents had any idea the massive amount of people who were invited.
Anyway, since AJ told us that the theme was 'rave' and that we should dress accordingly, J and I went to the mall, trolling for obnoxious neon clothing at American Apparel, or anything that would make us fit in and glow under the black lights. J had the hardest time finding something that would not scream 'I'm a massive douchebag,' so we decided that the next day we would buy a solid white tshirt, and then splatter paint it with neon fabric paint (a brilliant and creative idea by moi, thank you very much ;)

Picture 109

So, we get decked out in our bright, bright outfits, and head up to CT for the party. Both of us were excited to see what AJ was going to wear....he usually goes all out for things like this. When we got there, he was wearing a v-neck gray shirt and black jeans. As I'm standing there in my highlighter yellow striped shirt and neon headbands woven around my head, I felt unbelievably ridiculous. I looked at J, and we just shrugged it off uncomfortably, but assuming as the night went on, more people would trickle in dressed in brights.

Negative. We were the only ones dressed ridiculously. On the bright side, we did glow in the dark.

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J and I with the birthday boy:
Picture 113

Honest, I wasn't stoned at all, contrary to this picture ;)
Picture 112

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As the party trickled on and more people came through, J and I began notice how out of hand things were getting. I'm no fool - I've been to house parties, I know that it's obvious that something is going to get broken, someone is going to have sex somewhere, and that the fun of the party will evaporate for the host by about 11 p.m. when people they don't know start showing up.

Maybe because I'm 21 and I can go out to bars and lounges now, I guess that I forgot that supplying immature (only immature, I know it's not the case for all) high schoolers with alcohol is the recipe for a complete and total disaster. Kids were vomitting everywhere, lines were being snorted in his bathroom (where couples seemed to flock to get it on), and then the highlight of the evening occured with a little something I like to call 'the one when the girl got her Dolce and Gabbana purse stolen with the cash from her paycheck she had just gotten inside of it.'


*~*
So, here are my tips for being a polite party guest. You'd think it would go without saying, but apparently not.

1. Keep your clothes on.
This is not Cancun, please phone Joe Francis if this is something you are interested in. When you do this, yes, you may get guys to pay attention to you, but trust me, no one begins the story, 'I met my husband after I pulled out my boobs at this party when I was 16..'

2. If you really feel the need to drink until you're about to throw up (which really, why? You can get drunk without being sloppy!), make sure you are in close proximity to a bathroom, trash can, something.
It is not okay to projectile vomit all over the walls of someone's house, or another human being. Ever.

3. If a girl is sitting somewhere with her boyfriend, holding his hand (or a boy with his girlfriend), it is never appropriate to approach that person and ask them if they're interested in a quickie in the bathroom. Never, ever.
It is also not okay when that boyfriend/girlfriend you're scamming on rejects you, to then pull down your dress exposing your disgusting saggy boobs, as if that's going to change their mind. Skank.

4. Burning holes in someone's patio furniture with your cigarettes is completely in bad taste. Apparently this is not common knowledge.

5. An amendment to #4. Destruction of someone's property is really not something you should strive for. I know, how could I say such a terrible thing and ruin everyone's fun? Well, it's just because I'm an awful person looking to upset people. I see fun happening, and I try and ruin it as quickly as possible. How dare I, really.

6a. Taking your empty beer bottles, walking up the street to your car and flinging them at other people's cars, while it may help you practice your crazy baseball skills, is probably not the best way to dispose of your bottles. May I suggest recycling? It's good for the earth, so karma is on your side.

6b. Taking those beer bottles, not recycling them, and flinging them on the lawns of neighbors of the host of the party is also not a very good idea. Once again, bad karma, plus runs the risk of the cops being called, and honestly, you're just too drunk to run very fast at this point.

7. If you really feel like you can't wait an hour before having sex with the inapproprite guy/girl you just met a party, resist from flinging the condom on the wall after you're done. As much as I know you're just trying to add a little artwork to the walls, I'm just guessing that the host won't be too thrilled to clean it up the next morning.

I do not want to even go into what happened that explains how I came up with these rules, but there is a very legit reason behind each and every one, so use your imagination, but even that might not cut it! ; )

J and I stayed over AJ's that night (we refused to use the bathroom in the basement. See rule #7 for explanation), and helped him clean up the loads of cigarette butts, beer cans/bottles (EVERYWHERE), vomit, more vomit, spit on the patio cushions, etc, etc, etc. When we finally went to bed at 5:30 a.m., we hadn't even made a dent in everything that needed to be cleaned (i.e. the bathroom, which I was not touching!).

My only advice? Think carefully about who you invite to your next house party...quantity does not equal quality. ; )


P.S. I ended up buying a journal, and just passed it on to J tonight, since he leaves for his job tomorrow morning. I'll keep you all updated - thanks for your sweet words and encouragement!

Currently listening to: LMFAO - I'm In Miami Bitch. (Can't get this song out of my head!).

19 comments:

black vanilla rose said...

Loving those pics. I remember when the fluro craze hit us here a couple of years back now pretty much every party was themed rave. It was so much fun and easy to shop for at least!! Awesome tips too... will have to remember them for next time xxx haha

•¦Amy¦• said...

Lol. I love the rules. xD

Elizabeth Marie said...

You guys look adorable! Your rules are HILARIOUS!! And yet, so so so true!

Yay the journal will be so perfect! XO

Suzannah said...

your blog is so *lovely* and i love the pictures <3

Keith said...

Hey Allison. Great pics. I think you guys looked fantastic and fit into the theme of the party. I love those rules. Definitely good rules to follow. Have a Happy 4th!

zupu said...

The party sounded to be so much fun. and those rules are def something to take in consideration :)

Lindsay said...

Oh my gosh, some people amaze me! Your rules are cracking me up! They are so true too. What's the fun of going to a theme party if no one dresses up?

Holly said...

omg that sounds like a doozy! you guys are good friends for helping clean up. ahh i cant remember the last time i was at one of those parties, and i like it!

ps im digging your 'fits!

Aren Becks said...

I'm envious of you, you're gorgeous!

I've always wanted to have a impromptu rave, with the whole works of a stobe light, glow sticks, and bass thumping music. XD The pair of you's outfits looks so creative, and it they turned out good.

That is probably why I'm never going to host a party, ever, I hate the clean up afterwards. Most people don't have the respect for other people's property.

Have a fun Fourth of July, Allison!

Couture Carrie said...

The party looks so fun ~ what a genius idea turning the basement into a club!
Love your advice, too... I hate it when guests are disrespectful of the host and his guests and possessions!

xoxox,
CC

Suzannah said...

thanks for your lovaly comment <3

JINX said...

thanx for checking out BELLA and leaving a comment...

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HiFashion said...

You guys look great! Great tips there as well. I know how easily certain people do stuff like that and all I think is 'whyyy?'

Nicole Linette said...

Hahahaha this post was unbearably amusing!! :D It's something you could post as a Facebook bulletin, just for kicks and tag everyone you know.. haha, too great.
You and J are amazing people for staying with AJ and helping clean up! He probably should have hired a Haz-Mat team for the bathroom, though.. Yup, being the host of the party basically sucks.
Nonetheless, it seems like you had quite the time and you two looked great even though everyone didn't follow through with the rave theme.

Have a great week!

peace&love,
nicole.

Hanako66 said...

lol condom on the bathroom wall...eek! lol, what a night!

you guys are adorable and I can't wait to hear about how the journal works out!

Eddie said...

Oh my darling pumpkin pie, I've missed you dearly. I was hijacked by a truckload of homosexual elves (wearing G-strings) and I was forced to pose and frolic with them until they beat me into submission. But, I've managed to escape and find my way back to your tasty blog.

First and foremost, It's really nice that you guys had a night together at a classic, unruly house party. When I held my parties, I had mostly everything in control. I gave clear and concise WARNINGS to all visitors that if they disrespect my house or become rowdy in any way, they permit that I beat them silly.

Suffice it to say, the worst that would happen would be someone falling down the steps on their way out...lol.

You list of etiquette rules had me in stitches. I love #4 and it's revision... #5.

I also loved "...resist from flinging the condom on the wall after you're done..." I was eating a cucumber slice when I read that and I suddenly spat it out. I love you for that.

Sorry for being away for so long, I tell you... it's those effing elves yo...

Peace and Latin love...

amynicola_ox said...

oh jesus girl that sounds intense,
but you tell them those rules had me laughing!

Couture Carrie said...

P.S. Hope you have a fabulous holiday weekend too, darling A!

xoxox,
CC

molly said...

you would definitely be invited to any party i threw! you sound like a model guest :)