Monday, March 2, 2009

The (Future) Crazy Cat Lady.

So, as I've said in a ton of different posts, my college is a very small, private's the kind of place where you know who is a new student because you've never seen their face around campus before. People you don't know say hi to you, or at the very least smile at you on the path while you're heading to class (which 3 years in I still haven't gotten used to...I guess from being a biotchy Jersey girl). I don't mind the smaller environment, it's very comfortable to me considering that I graduated with a class of 32 from my super small private high school.

After coming out of rehab just a few years prior to applying for college, and getting caught up in the typical teenage lifestyle of partying too much on weekends, my parents said without saying that they would prefer me going to a private religious college. I think they felt it would make them sleep better at night.

Being in this environment is very tough for me at times, because my family is not the typical religious family - my parents are highly liberal and very involved with crusading for gay rights, the pro-choice movement, and are strong Democrats (which I actually think is very cool because they don't care how other members of the religious community view them). Anyway, being instilled with those types of beliefs from my parents causes me to butt heads with quite a few people at school (though I've never been one to push my opinion onto others), and sometimes when I see things that are going on at my school, it still blows my mind.

Some of the kids at my school have been so unbelievably sheltered that I really feel that while their parents were trying to protect them, they did more harm than good. From what I've seen at school, these kids go one of two ways - they rebel so hard against everything their parents have protected them from, and spend the next four years passing out at parties, getting arrested for underage drinking, doing crazy amounts of drugs, sleeping with a bagillion people and getting a terrible reputation, and all but fail out of class OR they become their parents, and ostracize and alienate anyone who is different from them and what they believe.

There are of course the people in the middle (like moi, thank you very much), who can go out and have fun without getting crazy, and still make it to classes in the morning with their homework done (I know, I'm a nerd).

Anyway, I say all this to talk about something that I just can't get over that occurs with 75% of the population at my school.

A good percentage of the kids at my school have never dated anyone before (seriously, that's not a judgment, I've actually asked a ton of people). They come to college, meet someone and have never had those butterflies for someone before, so they assume that it is a sign from God that they should marry this person. By spring of freshman year, after eight months of dating, they're sporting a .0009 carat rock on their hand and making their wedding plans. Some opt for long engagements that will occur a few months after graduation, while others rush and want to get married December of the following year.

I'm going to make a guesstimate that 80% of the student population is in a relationship currently, and 75% of those are serious enough that they are planning/are going to get married. One of my roommates C is one of these people - she is 20 and her fiance is 19, and they are getting married in (according to her Facebook status which is updated daily) 456 days...approximately two weeks after we graduate.

When I asked C how she felt about getting married SO freaking young, she insisted to me that it was just right, and that when you are a good and honorable person, you'll be blessed and find your soulmate. To that I wanted to reply "Eff you," because that would obviously mean I am neitehr good or honorable. But in all seriousness, most kids at this school get engaged around age 19 (though a decent percentage have called it off eventually...suckerrrs), which to me is just so, so young. I don't know, maybe I need to get up with the times or something and I'm missing out on some fabulous new phenomenon.

Being at this school makes me feel so isolated from the real world sometimes... last week I was feeling tres upset because I am hopelessly single without any good options, and the majority of my friends are in relationships and are seriously talking with their boyfriends/girlfriends about marriage in the near future.

Last year it definitely bothered me a lot more than this year...I've learned to be more independent, I have more time for myself which is always nice, and I feel like now I know that I don't have to define myself by what any man thinks (that sounds so feministic, but I really do wear a bra and I don't hate men!). I think that C is always doing things to try and impress her fiance or make him find her more attractive...she always feels the need to be something MORE, and I honestly don't think she has a very clear idea of who she is without him. So as lonely as I feel when most of my friends are out with their boyfriends/girlfriends I guess it's definitely great that I know who I am.

When I told C that marriage is not my first priority for college, and that my education came first before seeking out a soulmate, her eyes popped out of her head and she said, "Well, don't you want to be married?" I replied that of course I did, but that I just turned 21...I'm just now allowed to go into a bar and have a I really ready to settle down? I told her that I don't care when I get married, even if it's at 30 or 35 (to which I honestly thought she was going to have a heart attack...I mean, the horrors of actually being single til 30?! Unheard of!). When she looked at me with what I call "judging eyes," she told me that I should probably start looking for someone right away before it becomes "too late." Apparently 21 is just cutting it wayyy too close to collecting forty eight cats and living in a one bedroom with my gay best friend for the rest of my life. Ugh.

Well, that was on my mind today...I had a very lazy, snow day and lots of thoughts running through my mind, so I apologize!

P.S. My stupid car got a flat on Saturday night and I did NOT know how to change it. So I left my car in the parking lot, and called a friend to pick me up and take me home (I have very nice friends). Let's just say that my dad was NOT pleased about my car being left somewhere because of a "stupid, easy to fix flat tire" so he and my mom went and picked it up (and he changed the tire) and now once all this snow melts he and I are going to have a "stop being a baby training 101" and I have to learn how to change a tire.
I guess I do rely on men for quite a few things still :)

Flat tire

I hope you all enjoyed today, especially everyone who had off from school because of the snow!
xo, darlings.


•¦Amy¦• said...

Oooh how I so wish that there were snow days in Phx. The weather broke eighty-five degrees this week. :[ Winter here is more than officially over.

Keith said...

Hey Allison. Great post. Do you mind what kind of private college you go to? What sort of religious group is it? Just curious to know.

When I graduated from high school, there are many kids already engaged to be married right out of school. These were kids getting married at 18. Some went to college before they got married, either to their high school sweethearts or to people they met in college. These were kids not even going to any sort of religious institution at all. Many of these were kids that weren't even religious at all. They may never have stepped their foot inside a church.

I remember I was one of the people that had no interest in getting married at that age. People looked at me weird. I've seen many of my friends since then get divorced. Many have remarried and some of those have gotten divorced again. I watched my parents split up after 30 years of marriage. My brother is on his second marriage now.

I have nothing against marriage. I like being single and independent. It's not that I'm some sort of playboy that wants to live a Hef type of lifestyle. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't love to find the right woman and get married. I think so many people settle for someone who comes along just so they can get married.

I've rambled on enough. I do think it's a good idea for you to learn how to change a tire. I need to show my sister how to do it in case I'm not around.

Couture Carrie said...

Your college sounds really interesting . . . you should totally write a book about your experience!

Sorry about the blowout :(


P.S. Thanks for the positive feedback on my interview!

Couture Carrie said...

P.S. Yoga and PILATES!!!


Hanako66 said...

I went to a large college and responsibly had a REALLY good time. I had quite a few boyfriends in high school and had my fair share of dates my first few years of college. I got married at 21 to a 23 year old man (he had already graduated)....the odds were certainly against us, but we are still going strong and July of this year will mark 8 years of marriage. I know that we are in the minority and I would not recommend getting married at such a young age to anyone...those first few years were hard. It was the right choice for us, but I totally get what you are saying.

I'm sorry about your tire...that sucks.

Hanako66 said...

By the husband and I are both not super religious people, nor do we come from religious families...

Lindsay said...

That's so strange! I'm in somewhat of the opposite boat. I get enough judgment just because I've been dating Andy for 4 and a half years. I can't even imagine what people would say if I announced my engagement right now! Although I'm in a committed relationship, what's the rush? We have our whole lives!

Hanako66 said...

Oh no....totally no offense taken, I have to say that I agree with you. I'm just an exception to the rule:) And no, I did not wait until after marriage to have sex and maybe that is why we worked!!

Nicole Linette said...

Bahahaha, I will probably end up the neurotic "rebel" in college. I can see it happening, because my parents drive me nuts, but obviously I hope it won't.

I understand that frustration you have from being around a small community of people with conflicting (or sheltered) views. You're really rising above though, by not clashing with everyone. I have to say your roommate sounds a bit annoying =:|. That's really rude, I mean she probably didn't want to imply you were a "bad person" and that's why you were single, but things like that still hurt. Haha, I would laugh because all these people are committing themselves to one person at the perfect age for livin' it up. (Not just relationship wise, but with everything).

"So as lonely as I feel when most of my friends are out with their boyfriends/girlfriends I guess it's definitely great that I know who I am." << YES! Exactly.

And I, as well, will probably get stuck in college without knowing how to change a broken tire :\. That bites. Crazy snowstorm, eh? Western NY had less than an inch!

(sorry for the length) peace&♥, nicole.

molly said...

love this post, and i totally agree with you! getting married during your early twenties - or even LATE TEENS (insanity!) - is pretty extreme, because most people at that age still dont fully know who they are yet. you are so smart to not be rushing something as huge as marriage - it is really not as important as society makes us think!
you are a gorgeous, smart, fun person, clearly, so im not too worried about you ever finding someone and your friend shouldnt be either!

Nicole Linette said...

I forgot to tell you, go ahead and comment in French all you want, I need the practice :)!


Aren Becks said...

It's surprising to actually know not many people can hit middle ground. As a teenager, you often have a tendency to rebel against conformity. I think you have to be very mature to be married so young, because otherwise it's an implusive move and it ends up failing. I wanted a snowday! But the snow only hit the east coast. Drats.

fhen said...

wow your story is somehow great. emm i can understand that kind of feeling and me, myself, i dont really agree with marriage in our late teens. we still have the years to find our mr.right. so why we have to rush

dapper kid said...

Wonderful post dear :) I always think there is a definite danger of cutting children off when parents have rather strong beliefs and push it on their children, which is never good. As you say they can end up at one of two extremes, neither of which are exactly appealing. I always think that when I have children I will teach them my values and what not, but make sure they know that they don't have to follow what I believe blindly, they can ask questions and make their own minds up.

And I can understand why many of those in your college would want to get married so young. And I don't mean to sound condescending, but they seem to have a rather romantic view of things, which is good in a way but can also lead to some quick decisions in some cases. But that's just how life is. For me personally, I think I'm with you in that I'll take some time before I get married.

La Couturier said...

Aw, thank you for leaving such a sweet comment as always <3

And ahh where to start? I can relate to you on so many levels! I don't attend a private religious school, but I've been thru something similar in church. My parents are so incredibly liberal (my mom is Obama's biggest fan, and that's an understatement, lol), Democrats, the whole lot. I'm the same exact way! =] At church, there would always be people who would remark that we weren't "good Christians" etc.; my pastor hated me for being pro-choice... etc. etc. etc. You get the gist. Ridiculously conservative.

And those girls that you mentioned, getting married so young thinking they've met their soulmate are just too naive. I think I would've laughed at the girl if I were you. Just at how ridiculously sheltered she was, and a bit out of pity.

I love your posts. They're so insightful!

La C.

P.S. Sorry bout your car!

Crazy Eddie said...

Allison my sweet licorice-of-a-woman...I'm just frickin' ecstatic that you're in college to begin with. There are kids who've gone through half as much as you have gone through and dropped out of college - or high school for that matter.

Kudos to you. I lurve the intelligent folk.

Kids are in fact changing these days. I'm glad that this most recent generation isn't as SLUTTY as the generation I grew up with. Maybe it's just a New Yawk thang.

Loved this post. Love your articulation. Love your honesty. Love the fact that you wrote the word "BIOTCHY."

Besos para siempre

Elizabeth Marie said...

YES please of my best friends lives in NYC and she is so bitter because of the cold, I can't even talk to her. Ha jk.

I love how you write darling. I'm in a relationship however I often fear that if I had stayed friends with certain groups of people out of high school or youth groups that I would be married with 3 babies right now and always wondering...

You're wonderful. No cat lady! xoxoxo

La Couturier said...

I know, isn't coral so pretty! It's my favorite summer color =]

I just want winter to be over, already! Haha

La C.

molly said...

you leave the BEST comments, allison! i cant always tell you actually read the post (so many commenters clearly dont) and have something to say about it. im so glad i found your blog :)

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